Your searching through an on-line dating site. You find someone that seems smart, interesting, and even good looking and then you find a line like this in their profile;

" God is #1 in my life! Without him we are nothing! I am so blessed:D! If you can't handle that, you can't handle me! "

Such a buzzkill.. On the other hand though, it is kinda nice to have such an easy way of detecting this specific form of craziness. Wouldn't dating be easier if other such psychotic shortcomings were proudly portrayed on their profiles? (PPPP?)



"Oh and BTW! I Like to hit women! So if you can't accept that then YOU CAN"T ACCEPT ME!!"

OR

"FYI I get a little jealous, and if you ever do anything to make me imagine you might have cheated on me, in real life or in a dream, I will cut off your penis in your sleep!! If you've got a problem with that then DON'T BOTHER!"

OR

"I enjoy sex once maybe even TWICE!!! a month, so if you can't keep up , don't bother e-mailing me!!"

OR

"Me and my cats are VERY close, if you get between us and our peanut butter you WON'T LAST LONG WITH ME!"

OR

"I like to put holes in condoms, Deal With It!"

OR

"Me and my Brother are VERY close, If you CAN'T Handle That KEEP ON LOOKING"

OR

"Meth isn't so bad, If you don't agree then BUH-BYE"

OR

"I prefer a man who can hit me every now and then to keep me in line! If your not a misogynistic bastard, THEN DON'T WINK AT ME!"

OR

"I have no respect for the term monogamy, our bodies (and stds) are meant to be shared freely! If you DON"T LIKE IT, HIT THE X BUTTON IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER!"

OR

"I still sleep in princess pajamas and have 739 stuffed unicorns in my bedroom! If you Have a Problem with that, GOODBYE!"



Really. Someone start a dating site that asks these questions. I think I could really be onto something here.

Feel free to add your own!


**** New additions

"My mother still controls every aspect of my life, so if you can't take orders from her SEE YA!"

or

"I like to get drunk and mistake the hall closet for the toilet. If cleaning up my urine isn't funny to you LOOK ELSEWHERE!!"

or

"Savings accounts are for pussies. If you expect me to live within my means GET REAL!"

... And those are all just my ex-husband...

Angie-


"I prefer the company of electronics over vagina. If you can't handle that - buy a vibrator."

"I have no desire to expand my horizons and expect to eat Velveeta shells and cheese every night of my life and nothing but. If you can't handle that - go out to dinner alone."

"My job comes number #1 over everything else, despite the fact it's an unimportant job that doesn't make a difference in the world, is a poor excuse of a career, and has little room for advancement which offers little finacial benefits anyway even if you do advance. If you can't handle this - it's not my problem. Get a hobby"

"I'm really not that well endowed. If you can't handle that, grow your hymen back."

LittlePants-

Views: 174

Replies to This Discussion

Either tell her beforehand or just don't mention it. - - I guess depending on how serious you are. Just don't say, while you are ripping each others clothes off, "by the way I have a third nipple." So, is it next to another nipple or in some other place?
I guess I should do more next time to overstate my sarcasm LuLz. Although I did have a friend in high school with a fully developed third nipple. It was funny, because everytime there would be a party and someone got drunk they'd start screaming for Jason to show everyone his third nipple. Apparently 2% of people have them.
It's okay. I'm not judging you. :) But it is funny the unromantic self defamating things people decide to share right before having sex the first time. And thats always (unfortunately) what I remember the most.
Superfluous nipples are kinda cool. A girlfriend of mine had one and she got it pierced :) She also used to get drunk at parties and show it off. Flaunt it if you got it, I guess

LMAO. The proper response at that point is, "oh how CUTE! A starter kit"

Once they drag their self-esteem off the floor and limp home, I guarantee you won't be sleeping with them a second time.
Wow, I'm a bitch
Evil......

Luckily I have a python so I never have to hear shit like that.
Understood.
Thats like pointing up and saying "its raining" during a downpour. I think you can figure it out for yourself :)
Shouldnt they, I dont know, work harder at distracting you by exercising other skills?
"I prefer the company of electronics over vagina. If you can't handle that - buy a vibrator."

All my most recent ex, with the exception of the first one. That's every man."


NOT this one.

"I'm really not that well endowed. If you can't handle that, grow your hymen back."


Ouch, I can smell the Venom from here. Bitter much LP? :D
It's ok. I once dated a very reserved asian chick, and the first time we had sex she laid there, unflenching, and without making a single sound, for about 30 minutes. I stopped about 3 times and asked if everything was ok and she would smile and say "everythings great!, don't stop!" We dated 6 months, and that was probably the most amorous I ever saw her. = /



Oh and when I said 30 mins , I meant 30 seconds....

Bada-Bing!
Because dating is like housebreaking puppies. It's cute until someone spends most of the night trying to hump your leg.

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