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Does The Baby Connection Exist?
This is a bit sketchy, but I thought science was the best place, because it's a real question, not a theoretical or moral issue...
I was once in a discussion here on A|N on abortion. Although I was agreeing with the choice of the issue, I mentioned that from what I saw, more women regretted abortion than regretted parenthood. (I wasn't trying to inflame the issue, but the all-or-nothing argument was a little threatening. In what was perhaps my own naive little way, I was still trying to protect the best interests of women.) The response I got was something to the extent of that "mythical" connection that a mother has to a child as she holds it ... does not exist. This was a long time ago, so forgive me if the story is off but it got me thinking.
From all that I've heard, this "baby connection" is sometimes entirely true. (This is based almost purely off of what I hear from parents, more particularly mothers, which is possibly the best and worst source of information on the subject.) Other times, a mother feels nothing, or even resentment-- but that is usually caused by postpartum depression and such issues, or that has been my understanding. Even though it sounds like some magical, bullshit type of phenomenon, from the "evolutionary perspective" (which I am at times, loathe to take), it makes complete sense. Babies are work. You've gotta love them. It's crucial to their survival.
Of course, we live in a time when most babies, theoretically, can be planned out or prevented if unwanted. Therefore, just as theoretically, when a woman is expecting, she's planned it and is excited, and loves the baby before he/she is even conceived. Could this account for the baby connection? Is it completely voluntary, and does it even exist?
Plenty of women, not planning to have a child, have aborted and don't look back. A baby was NOT in their best interest. The sane part of my sex does not feel guilty for using birth control. A baby is not in our interest. However, were I to get pregnant, I don't think I could help myself from naturally adoring my child (although postpartum has been seen in my family). Would this reaction, if real, be something caused by hormonal changes, evolutionary strategies, societal ideas, or would it be completely voluntary? Is it something else entirely, and have I missed the mark and should I go pick up a science textbook before shaming the human race with my offspring? (Well, screw you, sir.)
Is it purely because they're so very cute? Because I don't buy it. There are some pretty ugly babies out there. (And their mothers are apparently delusional, or in denial of this.)
Share your thoughts. I wanna hear 'em. Unless they're awful. In which case, please don't share.
Someday we'll find it... the baby connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and meeeee...
I was once in a discussion here on A|N on abortion. Although I was agreeing with the choice of the issue, I mentioned that from what I saw, more women regretted abortion than regretted parenthood. (I wasn't trying to inflame the issue, but the all-or-nothing argument was a little threatening. In what was perhaps my own naive little way, I was still trying to protect the best interests of women.) The response I got was something to the extent of that "mythical" connection that a mother has to a child as she holds it ... does not exist. This was a long time ago, so forgive me if the story is off but it got me thinking.
From all that I've heard, this "baby connection" is sometimes entirely true. (This is based almost purely off of what I hear from parents, more particularly mothers, which is possibly the best and worst source of information on the subject.) Other times, a mother feels nothing, or even resentment-- but that is usually caused by postpartum depression and such issues, or that has been my understanding. Even though it sounds like some magical, bullshit type of phenomenon, from the "evolutionary perspective" (which I am at times, loathe to take), it makes complete sense. Babies are work. You've gotta love them. It's crucial to their survival.
Of course, we live in a time when most babies, theoretically, can be planned out or prevented if unwanted. Therefore, just as theoretically, when a woman is expecting, she's planned it and is excited, and loves the baby before he/she is even conceived. Could this account for the baby connection? Is it completely voluntary, and does it even exist?
Plenty of women, not planning to have a child, have aborted and don't look back. A baby was NOT in their best interest. The sane part of my sex does not feel guilty for using birth control. A baby is not in our interest. However, were I to get pregnant, I don't think I could help myself from naturally adoring my child (although postpartum has been seen in my family). Would this reaction, if real, be something caused by hormonal changes, evolutionary strategies, societal ideas, or would it be completely voluntary? Is it something else entirely, and have I missed the mark and should I go pick up a science textbook before shaming the human race with my offspring? (Well, screw you, sir.)
Is it purely because they're so very cute? Because I don't buy it. There are some pretty ugly babies out there. (And their mothers are apparently delusional, or in denial of this.)
Share your thoughts. I wanna hear 'em. Unless they're awful. In which case, please don't share.
Someday we'll find it... the baby connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and meeeee...
Tags: BabyLove, babies, baby, calling, connection, doctor, for, love, the
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jim DePaulo on -
I've had first hand experience with momma goose - they can bite the shit out of you and they are fast as hell.
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Permalink Reply by John D on -
Haha. This is totally off topic, but it was kind of funny I think. I was hiking around a little lake and spotted a Swan on its nest. I then noticed a medium sized dog rushing toward the nesting swan. I yelled to my brother something like "Bro - Holy shit... this swan is gonna rip the shit outta this fricken dog!" It was only then that I noticed the 10 year old girl and her parents. Oops! I try not to swear too much in public. Anyway... at least the girl grabbed her dog and put him on a leash. I think I saved that dog from having a really bad day! Swans will totally kick ass!
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Permalink Reply by Trick on -
Jim I think you're spot on! We Mammals don't the need to produce 100 offspring because we've developed hormonal triggers that urge us to protect and care for our young. (Sometimes it seems like it might take less energy to just have a hundred babies)
In one of my pre-nursing anatomy and physiology classes we learned about Oxytocin.
My professor called it the "cuddle hormone."
It's made and controlled in the brain by the Hypothalamus and stored in the Pituitary gland. Oxytocin stimulants a mother's uterus to contract when it's time to deliver the baby. You may have heard of women receiving the drug Pitocin to induce labor. This is a synthetic form of Oxytocin. It also acts as a hormonal trigger for milk ejection, promotes sex drive and. . .drum roll please. . .plays a major role in the expression of maternal behavior.
There have been a lot of experiments with rats and sheep that manipulate Oxytocin or its receptors. Blocking the hormone causes these animals to reject their babies. Increasing the levels of Oxytocin in virgin females causes them to nuzzle, coddle and nurture other mother's babies.
Some of my friends think that I'm minimizing the personal experience of love when I talk about the physiology that governs it. I don't think that knowing how a roller coast works or how it was made diminishes the thrill of the ride. There is more beauty, poetry and elegance within the human body than any love story I've read.
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Permalink Reply by Jim DePaulo on
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I agree, evolution has forged a complex symphony of chemistry and physiology that allows us to find some satisfaction in or lives and gives us, at least, the illusion of purpose.
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Anker on -
It's a wonder we don't have synthesized oxytocin running rampant on the street the way we do drugs that affect dopamine or norepinephrine. >.> Instead, we just eat chocolate, which also releases small doses of oxytocin, same as sex.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on -
I am still ProChoice intellectually but I am ProLife emotionally
Same here.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on
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I find the article very confusing, and I'm not on the same wavelength as any of the people mentioned.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on
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And very individual too how strong woman and also men reacts.
I totally agree! Reactions vary very much between individuals.
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Anker on
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With abortion, though, there is a closure. Had she kept the pregnancy and chosen to give it up for adoption, odds are it would have been worse for her emotionally. >.> And a lot of the guilt does come from the religious doctrines affecting our culture.
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Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on -
I liked the article. Maybe it's the same as guys getting weird about periods? The one guy's reaction reminded me of how people respond to hearing that someone you know died; they make assumptions about how you feel. The "people feel trauma after having abortions" cliche is so widespread. And part of the reason people do feel trauma is b/c they are told that they will! I don't get offended if someone means well but they are off-base. More bothersome is people who tell you that they are OK with something but then when that something actually comes up, they aren't so OK with it.
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