Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jared Lardo on April 2, 2010 at 7:58pm

A logical explanation? If you tell a person who will be shocked at finding out that you're an atheist that you're an atheist, they will be provoked and respond--maybe with intellectual curiosity, maybe with proselytization, or maybe something else.

Permalink Reply by Tabi on April 7, 2010 at 2:41am

Its sad, but I think it is true that being an atheist reduces your chances for online dating...... I have as the first line in all my profiles that I am only looking for an Atheist man, and all I get responses from is Christians!! They just say its ok, they can over look the difference, but guess what?? I cant! I have in the past and it just dont work in the long run. We need more atheist in the world, but especially arround my area :P lol

Permalink Reply by Sudeep Kumar G on April 26, 2010 at 11:11pm

yes of course it reduces...

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on April 26, 2010 at 11:20pm

Yes, at least on Jewish websites, when you say you are an atheist, women just sort of shut down and won't respond and make themselves uncontactable.

Permalink Reply by Eric Harris on April 27, 2010 at 7:57pm

@ JPM, I'm in a simular situation as you were in. I met this young lady (10 yrs my junior) a couple of years ago on BlackPlanet.com and our "friendship" traversed over to Tagged. We conversed through email the first year and now through phone calls. (Long calls several times a week :) She knows I'm an atheist and she's as you say "a theist of a diff sort" Actually she's all over the place in her beliefs, which in many is a precurser to atheism. And she's heard me rave about theist and on somethings I've posted here. And it hasn't scared her off yet. :) I'm just hoping that when we meet face to face soon , (I'm in Texas and she's in S.C.) that it'll stop being simular to how yours ended. :( Sorry to hear that. I was rooting for y'all.
Now on every social/dating site I've been on I've listed myself as an atheist. Rarely ever get a hit on the dating sites. And an even rarer note. But on the social sites I've had better luck. Many run when they finnaly learn how to read and notice the non-religious preference. Some I have to boot cause they want to know why and start to bombard me with religious comments/quotes. But there have been a few who claimed it didn't matter and I developed a few decent friendships. (though most were dead ends, and generally not due to a religious nature)
But to give a lil advice to those searching, don't rule out the "theist of a diff sort" ;). (pagans, i.e.... wiccans, buddist, toaist, etc...) There are quite a few pretty openminded free thinking believers out there that DO except those of us of the atheist flavor,

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on April 28, 2010 at 4:28am

I agree there is a category of 'believers' that should not be ruled out. There are also the 'non-specific theists' that just have some personal sense of god. A lot of those may be on their way to abandoning belief, but only as far along as abandoning religion. Not sure if you read all the way through the thread, but I am now corresponding with school teacher in Texas who is a strong atheist - YES! they are out there. I am flying to Austin to meet her mid-May and will report back. Glad to hear you also have a prospect. So there is hope for all!

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on April 28, 2010 at 10:53am

But for me it seems that a major decision is whether to still mainly identify as Jewish or just give up on the Jewish community and say I am a generic non-ethnically marked white person. My entire lineage is 'Jewish', and the term Ashkenazic is occasionally used to refer to the ethnic group that originated in E. Europe and historically followed the Jewish religion and spoke Yiddish (a secular language, part Old Slavic, Part Middle High German, and a little Old Hebrew). Most people who are Ashkenazic, or at least any woman I might meet at a Jewish event or online at J-date, will identify themselves as "Jewish", even if they observe little or none of the Jewish religion. So even though I gave up the religion and became an atheist, in terms of ethnic background and possibly a little secular culture maybe I share more in common with the average reformed Jew than the average non-religious white girl, who is from a christian family?

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on April 28, 2010 at 11:30am

S-Man, it sounds like your dilemma is partly a function of your atheism and partly a function of your ethnic background that you still strongly identify with, although it makes even harder for you to find an atheist woman. For myself, I have no real ethnic 'identity' or preference w/r/t ethnicity, but serious theism is always a deal-breaker. I could accept a compatible woman of any color, race or ethnicity - I enjoy learning about different cultures and readily embrace them. Maybe you should be less insistent about finding a Jewish woman. Why assume you can't find enough in common with a non-Jewish woman?
I am a generic non-ethnically marked white person
Great, so just be yourself and drop the ethnic requirement for dating. Cast a wider net.
There are lots of atheist women who will not care if you are Jewish or anything else.
Atheists are far more open-minded than most religious people.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 6, 2010 at 11:54pm

Yeah, the Triangle, Triad, and Charlotte area are much better for finding non-religious types. Asheville must suck for that. I stay out of most of the small towns, in North Carolina.

Permalink Reply by Cobbie Tigerpaw on August 4, 2010 at 10:25am

Have you been to Match.com or any of the other sites? You put in non-religious and it leaves you with hardly anybody (let alone if you put in that you don't want children...)

Permalink Reply by Michael on October 14, 2010 at 3:45am

Realistically, yes it does reduce your chances. I find that about 1 in 5 women will absolutely not date me because I am nonreligious, and about 1 in 2 feel at least somewhat uncomfortable about it.

I wouldn't put to much into OKC's conclusions, though - just because the word "atheist" causes a lot of discussion, does not mean it's necessarily a POSITIVE conversation. They might just as well be discussing how to burn atheists at the stake.

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on October 14, 2010 at 7:22am

I also put it right out there that I am atheist, and I haven't found that I get less responses either. I'm in a difficult age bracket anyway because I'm 41 so the dating pool is limited from the start. I seems to me that some of the guys that send me messages, would agree to be wiccan if they thought they would get a date. It's obvious that most have just looked and pics and not taken the time to read the profile. Dating can be difficult for anyone, but it seems doubly difficult for people who think outside of the box! I'm not giving up, but I'm not actively looking either. I guess if it happens, it happens....
I think if you are getting more responses due to mentioning atheism then maybe it's because we all have to LOOK for each other to stay the hell away from the jesus freaks!

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