Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 19, 2010 at 2:08pm

I read a review site that rated dating sites, and they didn't rate OKC very high compared to others (but you never know if they have their own agenda, too). I like the features at OKC (I am able to quickly eliminate all the theists!) and you get some measure of potential compatibility before contacting anyone. I know what you mean about careless spelling and punctuation. To me, that's like posting a picture with a booger hanging out of your nose :)

Permalink Reply by Regina M on March 22, 2010 at 3:04pm

Very apt description. Now I must go clean the image from my brain.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on March 19, 2010 at 9:14pm

Yes, but would you really want to date someone who doesn't date atheists? They'll never accept you for the person you are.

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 20, 2010 at 3:55am

Well, no. But you might be surprised at how many theists are willing to accept atheists without judging them. So some of them can be willing to accept you for who you are. A lot of people hold their own beliefs as a very private thing and don't have any expectation of others sharing them. That seems to be the case with my current prospect, whom, it turns out, is not agnostic (damn!), but actually a theist of a non-specific and personal sort. So we'll see how this works. Sometimes attraction and connection on other levels is enough to push theistic ideology into the background, from my experience. She doesn't mind that I am an atheist. But she hasn't found my rants over here yet either! I'll keep y'all posted...

Permalink Reply by Regina M on March 22, 2010 at 3:05pm

Good luck!

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 22, 2010 at 10:02pm

Thanks. We are meeting for the first time tomorrow and are going to spend most of the day together. So I should be able to render a verdict soon....

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 27, 2010 at 10:09am

OK, I guess I need to report on this. Seems that we are just 'too different' (her words) but I would say the chemistry just wasn't there. So this fish is back in the pond. Lesson learned: No matter how well you seem to connect with someone online, it really doesn't tell you much about how you will react to / interact with someone in person.

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on March 22, 2010 at 10:17pm

OK. I see that many are adamant about not accepting any form of theism in a significant other. But I have known plenty of non-specific theists with very private beliefs that have no problem accepting an atheist without necessarily sharing in the denial of any god. In my opinion, if they have their own internalized concept of god that is private and personal, I am OK with that. Because I understand the comfort that many find in theism, even I don't really repect it. WHo am I to deny someone their personal beliefs if they have no bearing on day to day life? I say this because this was largely the situation with my first wife, who never, ever caused any issues about my atheism, and yet held her own beliefs to herself. Maybe I am mellowing with age, but I think those who start out with an attitude of 'atheist like me or nothing' are going to really limit their opportunities to meet some really good prospects that may be quite accepting of them. ***Hastily dons flack jacket and pith helmut***

Permalink Reply by Lois Lane on April 2, 2010 at 11:25am

I rarely even discussed religion with most of the men I dated in the past, even though one of them taught Jewish Sunday school. I hesitate to rule out someone just because he's spiritual, but I do tend to pass them up if they say they're serious about an organized religion (other than Buddhism) or if they mention "God" in their profile.

I've put on all of my dating profiles that I'm an atheist/secular humanist, and no one has tried to convert me yet (but it's clear that lots of men don't even bother to read the profile....I'm still amazed that grown men with decades of experience working would take such a mindless approach to online dating.)

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on April 2, 2010 at 12:10pm

I know what you mean. I seem to get some winks from women who obviously do not even remotely fit what I said I am looking for in my profile. I am not sure if they didn't read it, or if they just don;t care because they really don't place as much importance on such matters. In some cases, I think people just respond to a picture that appeals to them. But what is the point of all the questions and personality comparisons unless you are going to be selective? I never consider contacting anyone on OK Cupid who hasn't answered enough questions for me to evaluate their 'world view', AND is better than 80% match. What is the point? And yet I might get approached by women who are 47% match, 58% enemy, and have only answered like 11 questions in public. I have answered like 580. It can be frustrating.

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on April 2, 2010 at 7:41pm

You mean you are actually approached by women? I am never approached by women, ever. I have send hundreds of messages to a lot of women on several dating websites and got 8 short responses about how I am not similar enough to them. Usually the problem is that they want to live with some kind of pet. In terms of religion I fit in with most young reform Jews because most are non-observant except for going to the synagogue services on the High Holy Days. But I skip the the High Holidays (along with everything else) but usually don't mention this.

Permalink Reply by Jared Lardo on April 2, 2010 at 7:58pm

A logical explanation? If you tell a person who will be shocked at finding out that you're an atheist that you're an atheist, they will be provoked and respond--maybe with intellectual curiosity, maybe with proselytization, or maybe something else.

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