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Discriminatory Family Business

My family has started a business in flipping houses. According to them they have officially registered. They recently flipped there first house and the second one is on the market.

I was originally promised a place as a partner in the business but my mother went behind me and partnered with her father. This did not pain me badly because I work a full time job and it is hard for me to find the time to work with her.

Two weeks ago I learned of their company structure. They where getting these loans from private investors who charged impossibly high interest rates. This concerned me because they where paying over 1,000 dollars a month and paying it off with loaned money and no financial backing. On top of these fees their closing cost and salary to the real estate broker was astronomical. They where throwing away thousands a month on borrowed money to unnecessary fees and interest.

With this in mind I sent a professional proposal and my version of a 5 year plan for their company. Within the proposal I wrote,”In no way am I expecting this plan to be used but I am attempting to show the necessity of one”. The letter had absolutely no religious or racial slur and absolutely nothing that would criticize what they where doing currently.

Yesterday I received a 6 page letter with the company logo, business cards, and sighed with my mom’s name and professional title (Rebecca Smith, Intuitive Advisor). This letter stated that they have refused my proposal and criticized its professionalism (which makes sense, it was a rough draft after all). This was only the first draft though. The other 5 ½ pages was a complete letter criticizing my lack of belief in a God saying. “I have concerns of ever hiring someone who does not believe in God”. She goes on saying that I would “disrupt the positive energy” and then starts to criticize my personal life, calling me a “drop out” over three times in the letter (I had to drop out of collage due to lack of financial support).

Now I have expecting some personal letter for a long time from my mom. But for her to bring the family business, meaning my dad and my grandparents, into our own disputes is not only highly offensive, but hurtful.

I am still in shock over this action, and wonder what I can do about this. If I leave it alone a lesson is not learned. If her company grew or was more established and she attempts something like this she could legally and financially ruin her business. If I reply and challenge what she says, I could start a dispute that last for years (my mother did something like this to my sister close to 4 years ago and they are barley getting over it).

These are the options I see and fully willing to take.

#1: Since she has under 15 employees she is protected and I cannot file a claim under the anti-discriminatory act. I can, however, report this to a number of “do not buy list” throughout the internet and send a copy of this letter to her investors and even the real estate company she is working for.

#2 send an equally long letter including a response/rebuttal to everything she says

#3 confront her directly next time I see her

#4 attempt to take the moral high ground (though I don’t know where that would be at this point)

Can anyone give me some insight on what I should do in this situation?

Tags: Atheist, Discrimination, Discriminatory, business, family, law

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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on October 8, 2009 at 3:50pm

I can't say that I see a difference between option #1 and #4 at this point. That was an official business letter, and when a company has discriminatory practices, that is a bit different than when a person has an issue. I'd want to know that when I do business with someone that I'm not supporting an unethical operation!

Also, note that just because the company is below the 15 employee limit for federal law doesn't mean that there aren't other regulations you can use to take legal action:

http://smallbusiness.findlaw.com/employment-employer/employment-emp...

http://labor-employment-law.lawyers.com/employment-discrimination/D...

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Permalink Reply by Shane Smith on October 8, 2009 at 4:00pm

Wow thank you. I didn't even think to check the state laws. Blonde moment, I guess.

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Permalink Reply by Caine on October 8, 2009 at 7:58pm

I've found some very intelligent people willing to help on http://www.laborlawtalk.com/
Quite a few of them attorneys versed in state law.

That being said: Unless you plan on any legal action, which from what you stated sounds unlikely given that it's family, this would be my recommendation: Get some advice there and on similar boards as to what the applicable state laws are.
Make sure to ask people to provide LINKS to the actual state code as "interpretations" can tend to stray a bit. Better to read it from the ACTUAL source.
Print up the code if any were applicable and/or broken. Forward them in a letter to her stating that you are NOT intending at this time on taking any action but merely so that they can better educate themselves to avoid potential trouble with future employees/etc.

As to blackening their name is that beneficial to you from a selfish stance? A family with a lucrative business could be advantageous for you yourself in the future. Not touching on the morality or immorality of it, merely the practicality.

Also if you decide to go forward anyway I would highly recommend familiarizing yourself with both state and federal defamation and slander laws and making sure to stay strictly within them.

At the end of the day I personally think the best path is intelligent, informed advice as to why their response was professionally, and possibly if so legally, remiss, wish them the best, and stand aside. They may not think much of it initially but it may sink in in the long run /shrug.

I'd also recommend spellcheck. If you want to be taken professionally and seriously, the first step is how you present yourself.

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Permalink Reply by Shane Smith on October 9, 2009 at 11:03am

The Utah state law pretty much mirrors the Federal. For any legal action to be taken they will have to employ 15 people.

Discrediting the company, as you said, would not be beneficial.

I think I decided to take it personally, and from now on not treat my mother as a human being anymore. (Avoide hugs, greetings, and overall conversations)

I did the same thing to my sister a while back when I tried to give her some relationship advice and she said, "I don't take advice from people that don't go to church"
She has actually turned around big time after I did that to her.

And you are right with the spelling. I did spell check but I guess I missed some things? Grammar is not my strong suite. If you can recommend any good ways to practice/learn I will appreciate it.

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Permalink Reply by John D on October 8, 2009 at 3:50pm

Sorry to hear your mom went over the edge. She is probably scared and frustrated in some way, and her faith is critical to her mental stability. Maybe she feels you have deserted her and she will not be with you in heaven. I am not saying she is right, but just proposing what may be on her mind. I suspect there is little she (or you) can do to change her. Do you agree?

I don't know what to suggest exactly. I will recommend that you decide what you want your relationship with your mom to be in the long run. Keep in mind that she is what she is. Take whatever action gets you closer to this place.

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Permalink Reply by Shane Smith on October 8, 2009 at 4:14pm

You are right, though I say that religion is the cause of her insanity instead of the other way around.

And you did hit the nail on the head. She was scared frustrated and hurt as a child when her father molested her. But suddenly she has started attempting to "spiritually heal" him and in the process she has "forgiven" him, and understands that he "did it out of love"

She is nuts.

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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on October 8, 2009 at 4:24pm

"did it out of love"

I can understand she is telling herself this lie to help her cope with the pain, but that is the single most destructive excuse for rape she could possibly propagate. Assuming he wasn't clinically insane at the time, his reasons for what he did can never excuse the fact he did it.

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Permalink Reply by Shane Smith on October 8, 2009 at 4:36pm

That’s what I was trying to say to my mom! That is the best words for her behavior. Self destructive

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Permalink Reply by Shane Smith on October 8, 2009 at 5:22pm

Very good suggestion! The reasons I wrote this post is to allow me to vent a little and cool down.
What I want is my family to take things I have to say seriously and not as a personal attack. For example, my mother was about to spend about 3,000 dollars on a school that taught Physic ability, I explained to her that if that’s really what she wanted to spend that money on something like that I’m sure there was another way (or less deceptive schools then the one she was looking at), and she took this as an attack on her religion! (she is Mormon).
Is it too much to ask for my input to be at least slightly valuable? With the business stuff she even had to take secular financial advice as an attack on her religion! (apparently she uses her "physic powers" to "draw" the deals and money towards her, or "manifest")

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Permalink Reply by Caine on October 8, 2009 at 8:05pm

Let me be frank and assume a great deal.

Your mom is bat-nucking-futs-shit-insane. To be polite I should probably say "deluded and mislead" but personal accountability and all that.

If she doesn't want to hear logic she isn't going to no matter how attractively packaged. Frustrating, but likely true. Until it's too late at least, and even then she may just rationalize failure away. Best I can say is hope someone close that she trusts is logical and rational enough to steer her to the least-shipwrecking course possible. There are also some good seminars out there for what she's trying to do with the business. The main rule is don't buy a 2nd property until you've rented out or sold the first. Golden rule when you're starting with little capital so as to not overextend.

If she was elderly you could always try getting a court issued guardianship order but to be frank, it's not going to happen. Courts only give those out in the most extreme of cases. So, basically, let her politely know you're sorry that you overstepped, you were only trying to help not barge your way in, it's clear now your assistance isn't desired, that's fine, and if that changes in the future feel free to contact you and you'd be willing to provide any help you may be able to or she desired, then step back and let it be.

You can't reason with crazy. ;)

NB: I am NOT an attorney at law. Nothing stated should be taken as either explicit or implied legal advice.

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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on October 8, 2009 at 9:33pm

You can't reason with crazy.

Yeah, my advice above changes in light of this. I'd run away from this situation as quickly as possible. I sincerely hope you have no stake in her financial success.

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Permalink Reply by Angela on October 9, 2009 at 8:47am

I agree with Caine and The Nerd. I don't believe there is anything you can do in this situation that will have a positive long term effect for anyone involved. If I were you, I would let it drop, and focus your efforts on moving in a good direction for yourself. The longer you involve yourself in the affairs of "toxic" people (even close relatives), the more damage you will end up suffering as a result.