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Deconversion: Stories and Advice.

So I'm going to have coffee with a Catholic girl tomorrow who says she has doubts about the truth of her religion to discuss atheism. I was wondering what A/N would say to her if they had the chance. She seems open minded and trusts reason, but she was raised Catholic and she still has a lot of conditioning to deal with.

Also, if you've ever helped someone to see the world through a rational instead of secular lens please share your stories. My girlfriend used to be a Christian, but after a lot of discussion and introspection she eventually came to see Christianity for what it is.
(A hoax)

The last thing she said to me was that she doesn't see why there needs to be any kind of conflict between science and The Bible.

Tags: Advice, Deconversion, Stories

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Permalink Reply by Doug on March 4, 2009 at 7:18am

My best advice ( and I would not recommend anything I advise ) would be to listen to her and let her tell her story.

Answer questions the best you can if you can and be honest and say if you do not know or are not sure about anything she asks.

After a lifetime of hearing " THE GOSPEL TRUTH! " it can be very liberating to start thinking for yourself and asking the difficult questions.

Try not to replace her religion with another belief system allow her to find her own truth.

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Failing that tell her to become an atheist or the great flying spaghetti monster will boil her as pasta sauce for eternity when she dies :-)

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Permalink Reply by Anette on March 4, 2009 at 8:17am

Good advice.

It's very easy when you come across a "believer" with doubts, to try and convince them of something. This can actually be almost cruel.

It's hard sometimes, for the athiest(especially those who haven't gone through it) to understand the PAIN involved in losing faith. You accept your life, your demise and your lack of "ultimate" meaning on a God type scale. It's no biggy to you.

To a believer? it is almost a form of suicide. They are so strong, that they are beginning to be willing to literally accept "death"(rather than eternal life) for the sake of truth. This isn't something you go into lightly and it causes a depth of loneliness and pain, most of us cannot fathom. There is a REASON people would rather support a religion that teaches them to blow themselves up, or marry off their 12 yr old daughters to 50 year old men. Religion promisies and answers to the deepest and most fearful part of our humanity. Our deaths.

Best advice..is to listen. If she say's something you want to argue with, don't. Just ask her how she feels.

If you feel the same way, say so. If she asks you for proofs, facts etc..when you don't have them, say so. No, we cannot prove there "ISN'T" a God. It's okay to say that. Coming across religious arguments, you get a lot of manipulatives ones, that are quite frankly designed to confuse and render a person incapble of rational thought. Tie that to emotions, and people are completely stunted emotionally and pschologically.

The point is, you ..cannot change her beliefs, so don't try. You can, however help her to express her views with some-one she can trust. Be honest, Be kind..and remember. This is the most difficult experience a believer can go through. Death..is almost easier than this.

Be kind first and foremost, and let her talk.