Dealing with my depression...

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Permalink Reply by David Prentice on May 12, 2010 at 11:08pm

Is there any hope for you?

DUDE!!! You're only 20. Hope is all there is for you. The same as any 20 year old :) You haven't had the chance to make anything of yourself yet. I know it seems that you have more obstacles in front of you than most but life is about finding a way through. When you do that and find the satisfaction you seek, you'll have earned it more than most and should savour it more than most too ;)

About depression - It's literally a state of mind, reinforced by the chemical cycles that establish themselves in your head. Every little thing you do towards gaining control over your life will dismantle that depression. Remember this little model: Oppression, without expression = depression. That means that while you feel oppressed by circumstances, society, the public, peers, or what ever, and feel you don't have the power to avoid it, justify it or talk about it, then you'll internalise it and become 'depressed'.

Don't see things as blocks, but as challenges. Also, take on one challenge at a time and don't worry about the side details. If getting your folks to help you get to school carries the risk of embarrassment, then just satisfy yourself that it's the right thing to do and weather the embarrassment. Shit mate, at least you're building yourself a future. It takes character to do the right thing despite peer pressure for the opposite. Plan your education and be sure of where you're going with it. It'll give you reason to see yourself in a favourable light. Your 'self esteem' is so much more important, and more powerful, than the way you're seen by others.

Oh, and chicks REALLY like a guy who's focussed on life. At least any chick who's worth getting to know. She'll feel you're a safe option and want to work on the relationship, not just run with it until she gets bored ;)

Hope that helps mate. Message me if you wanna talk more.

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Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on May 13, 2010 at 10:23am

There's a group on Nexus for people who deal with depression, too.

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Permalink Reply by John D on May 13, 2010 at 1:27pm

Michael - You've had more than your share of tough breaks... that's for sure. I live in the suburbs of Detroit and I agree that the public transportation here is abysmal. It sure makes it hard to make progress at school and work. I couldn't even get by with our horrible buses.

I recommend you try to get over the embarrassment and figure out how to get a ride to school. Education is your best bet for making things better. I suspect you know this already, but I can understand how you may feel things are too tough.

I lived in Detroit as a kid till the 1970's when my folks moved out (part of the big white flight). Being white in Detroit is an odd situation to be sure. It is really unfortunate how racially polarized the Detroit area is. I have stayed in the Detroit area my whole life and it has been a sad experience in many ways. I expected the city would stop falling apart over the last decades... but it just sinks deeper into debt and decline. No services, bad schools, reducing revenues, inefficient government... yuck!

Not having any money sucks! It is frustrating and discouraging. It is normal to be unsatisfied with your situation. Things can improve if you are able to bite away at your education. You eat an elephant one bite at a time. I went to night school for 13 YEARS! It was so worth it. I am nearly 50 now. My long years in school are a distant memory. I feel fit and relatively happy so at this point things are working out.... One bite at a time.

Please believe me when I say I hope for the best for you. You are still young (although I suspect you don't feel young). I can sympathize. I have had some very down times in my life and my wife struggles often to this day.

Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Sandra Stott on May 14, 2010 at 9:43am

With some minor differences, you sound like my husband in his depression. Let's start with you, ok? You have a very clear case of debilitating depression, it's getting in your way of having a life, a job and whatever else you need. What I think you should do is get a State councillor, probably at HHS and go from there, get them to help you get on disability income. It seems to work better using them than it would work trying to get on it by yourself. My husband had to do it that way. Get all your papers and history together and apply. Don't give up if they seem to reject your claim, keep applying. That will at least get you an income. After you get it, there's nothing that says you can't go to school for the education you want. Don't give up on yourself!

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Permalink Reply by damian on May 14, 2010 at 2:25pm

Hang in there. It's rough right now, and what you've been through will make you stronger; stronger than those who dissed you. Don't let anyone control your thoughts, and don't define yourself based on what others think. It's good that you have a plan and reached out. I'm pulling for you. I have Faith in you:)

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Permalink Reply by Dionysus on May 14, 2010 at 2:54pm

It gets better. It may get worse at a later date but typically, nothing remains in the same state. The key is to weather the storm when it gets real bad and to learn to bask in the sunlight when things really pick up; and they will. Everyone deals with depression on some level; certainly I have and I do mean a dark, dismal and rotten depression. What helps me get through those times is focusing on those things that I most enjoy; even simple things like going to the gym or talking to my sister on the phone. Learning to shift your focus to less depressing things can definitely be a help. You like Metal and Rockabilly music? Dig into some of that. Be the greasiest greaser you've ever been. Dance around your home in your underwear and celebrate the idea of new opportunities and better circumstances. At 20, you're not the only person who's not had intimate relationships with women but you have a lot to look forward to, when things pick up you'll be glad you weathered the storm. Ya damn right there's hope for you! As long as you have things to hope for, there's hope!

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Permalink Reply by Panku (Pankaj Kumar) on May 14, 2010 at 3:10pm

There is always hope if you don't quit . Everything in your life will change.It is just a matter of time.

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Permalink Reply by JayBarti on May 14, 2010 at 6:08pm

Micheal there has been a lot of good advice given here in this thread if I had one thing to add it is this.

Try to learn to be comfortable with who you are, believe me I know it is a tough thing to do. I still myself struggle with such things and will probably always struggle with them.

At the end of the day I found what mattered and worked for me was how comfortable I was just being me. Now this isn't exactly the same as liking oneself, it is more of a zen approach based on the understanding that the world isn't perfect and that neither am I and that it is ok. It is the imperfections in our life which help shape who we are as individuals.

One thing I always remember is that if it were not for an imperfect universe, I wouldn't even be here to think about such things.

Good luck, and know that you have many people pulling for you.

P.S. It sometimes (at least it did for me) helps to write things down, even if you don't keep an active diary. I will often type out a whole essay only to delete it at the end, simply to help myself organize and understand my thoughts about something.

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Permalink Reply by St Jimmy on May 15, 2010 at 11:38pm

Hang in there Mike. There is plenty of hope for you. You have the ultimate say in your life, so maybe a change in scenery by going to school in town would help. Take care.

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Permalink Reply by Sam on May 25, 2010 at 9:18am

Michael,

It took a lot of guts to say what you have said here and that in itself is a step in the right direction. There is hope for elderly folks in your shoes, much less someone your age. The best thing you can do when you are feeling any "negative" emotion be it stress, depression, anger, etc. is to clear your mind as best you can, take a few deep breaths, then (and this is most important) talk with someone about it. I am no psychotherapist but I have dealt with similar depression and suicidal thoughts, and surprisingly I snapped out of it on my own when I realized that nothing has the power to emotionally move me unless I allow it to...

Hope this helps and my thoughts are with you :)

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Permalink Reply by John D on May 25, 2010 at 9:36am

Hi Michael - I heard this song on my i-pod a few days ago. REM was a really important band for me - they were pretty big when I was a younger man. This song makes me weep.

As this started to play this I thought of you. Yea... it's kind of funny... I don't even know you. And... I thought about my cousin who just hung himself to death two weeks ago.

I'm not gonna say I know what people are going through, but I think it means something that we all get bashed around on our journey. We all hurt, and we all suffer together. Hold on.

REM..."Everybody Hurts"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc

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Permalink Reply by scott martins on May 25, 2010 at 9:54am

There are so many outside forces at work on our life Micheal. We can't control all of them but we can try our best to shape the affects those forces have. Most of all you can't let them discourage you from getting what you want out of life. There have been many bad periods in my life where I thought that there was no hope for my future happiness. But i worked through them and am now very happy about my future. Just weather the storm and you will come out on the other side. It could change at any moment, you just have to be ready to take advantage. Put in the hard work and you'll be a better person in the future for all that you have gone through

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