Every now and then I think back to my days in church and remind myself of some of the silly notions I developed. Sometimes they are slightly amusing like when I would ponder going to hell because if hell was hot, heaven was, in my mind, obscenely cold. That idea sprouted when I was young, maybe around 8 or 9 and died not long after. However I remember wholeheartedly believing during my teen years that menstrual cramps and menstruation in general stemmed from Eve's consumption the forbidden fruit. I would get annoyed with girlfriends that were in genuine pain and mutter something like, "I guess that forbidden fruit wasn't worth it." I am many years removed from such ignorant thinking but it embarrasses me to this day.

So now that a small piece of the bullshit logic that religion produces has been showcased, I invite you to add any crazy idea that inhabited your mind during your time in religion.

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Many problems can be solved by the bible though!  Examples:

Leveling a table with one leg significantly shorter than the rest.  

Reaching high things that are just a few inches out of reach.

Thin pages make really good fire starters (kindling) in survival situations.

Speaking of pages and high things, I've heard the pages also make really good rolling paper (personally never tried, and I would think the ink would not be good, but it's what I hear).

Also, squishing bugs, pressing flowers, emergency TP...

crumpled pages could be stuffed into clothing for emergency insulation.

Can even be thrown at an assailant in self defense.


See?  While the bible won't solve ALL of life's problems, it is useful none-the-less. :-)


Hahaha...you know...that explains why I always find them in hotel rooms. In a jam? Get out your Emergency Bible! Act now and we'll throw in two 6 oz bottles of Holy Water free! 

One of my favorite uses was to roll tobacco up with bible pages when i aquired some in county jail.

People didnt like that, but I care not, I needed a smoke.

Maybe it's me but I wouldn't expect people in the county lockup to be the ones defending the bible, lol. I have been known to eye the bible a few times when I'm low on papers. All I needed was someone to give me the green light so thank you sir!

Actually, as soon as the door closes and locks behind them, 90% of the people i've come across immediately find jeebus and start praying fervently, probably in hopes that divine intervention will get the released. They are always calling for prayer circles and bible studies. Drives me batshit insane.

That makes sense. I always became a praying man during rough times. I used to find myself bargaining. "God I swear I'll go to church for the next 4 Sundays if you get me through this jam. Sincerely yours, Martial."  I think I had a 50:50 success rate which was just about the same as when I wouldn't pray. 


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