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Crazy Ideas from my Religious Days...

Every now and then I think back to my days in church and remind myself of some of the silly notions I developed. Sometimes they are slightly amusing like when I would ponder going to hell because if hell was hot, heaven was, in my mind, obscenely cold. That idea sprouted when I was young, maybe around 8 or 9 and died not long after. However I remember wholeheartedly believing during my teen years that menstrual cramps and menstruation in general stemmed from Eve's consumption the forbidden fruit. I would get annoyed with girlfriends that were in genuine pain and mutter something like, "I guess that forbidden fruit wasn't worth it." I am many years removed from such ignorant thinking but it embarrasses me to this day.

So now that a small piece of the bullshit logic that religion produces has been showcased, I invite you to add any crazy idea that inhabited your mind during your time in religion.

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Permalink Reply by Martial Epicurus on November 15, 2011 at 2:26pm

lol nice to know I wasn't the only one blaming poor Eve. I never did come up with an ailment for men that stemmed from Adam though...

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Permalink Reply by Nerdlass on November 16, 2011 at 2:42am

Core got stuck in his throat. Big whoop.

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Permalink Reply by Ryan Papp on November 15, 2011 at 3:13pm

I tried many many times to offer my soul to satan if he would give me the ability to fly when i was a kid. I was dead serious too.

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Permalink Reply by Martial Epicurus on November 15, 2011 at 3:55pm

I wanted to trade in for powers too! May have been all the WWF and Undertaker I watched though.

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Permalink Reply by Jeremy on November 15, 2011 at 4:09pm

For your soul, all you get is a really cool goat themed guitar. If you want to fly, you need to offer him cold hard cash and your weight in chickens. You need to be more logical about it, sheesh! :)

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Permalink Reply by Martial Epicurus on November 15, 2011 at 4:22pm

Hahaha! Screw it, I'll buy a plane ticket with the cold hard cash or use the chickens to fly away. Economics and Physics to the rescue!

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Permalink Reply by Nerdlass on November 16, 2011 at 2:42am

You need enough thrust to make chickens fly, though.

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Permalink Reply by Martial Epicurus on November 17, 2011 at 8:25am

Note to self: chickens + pelvic thrusts = flight and/or interspecies erotica.

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Dunkley on November 17, 2011 at 1:10pm

I would pray that God would turn me into a bird so I could fly. Spent a whole summer afternoon as a kid crying to God in my backyard. Guess my circumcised heart and penis weren't good enough for him. Probably would have found more success with offering Satan money. At least I wouldn't have any scars.

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Permalink Reply by Martial Epicurus on November 18, 2011 at 12:23pm

That reminds me of the scene in Forrest Gump when Jenny prayed to become a bird. As for buying off Satan...I've learned that any all-powerful deity that's strapped for cash probably isn't worth the time.

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Permalink Reply by Sentient Biped on November 16, 2011 at 1:51am

When I was 15, I thought prayer and reading the Bible would make me stop thinking about sex. Didn't work. read the damn thing cover to cover 3 times. The up side is that led me to know the contradictions and the nonbiblical ways of christianity and ultimately to atheism.

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Permalink Reply by Martial Epicurus on November 17, 2011 at 8:31am

I think an honest reading of the bible is one of the fastest ways to atheism...if you can think logically or critically. When I was younger my dad told me that ANY problem I had in life could be handled by the bible. ERRONEOUS!