Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joe Gonzales on October 3, 2010 at 8:53pm

Here's some safe advice, and applies to nearly EVERY SINGLE DISAGREEMENT YOU WILL HAVE WITH YOUR PARENTS: put your head down, stay in your room, do what you're told, and wait until you're 18 years old. Don't rock the boat, don't make everything into a great big confrontation, and wait it out. Your dad pays the bills, he feeds you, he's trying to look out for you. You can have all of these conversations with your folks when you're 25 and have a college degree, your own place, and a steady job.

Believe me, when you're out of the house and doing well for yourself, a lot of these issues become much less important.

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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on October 4, 2010 at 6:41am

From your post, I don't know how old you are or what church your family attends. If they are middle of the road Methodist, presbyterian, or one of the "mainline" churches, you may get away with a certain amount of rebellion without being sent to some jesus camp to have belief pounded into you. If they are fundamentalists, they may become abusive to force belief into you. Keep your head down. Try to be polite.

No one can force you to be a christain. Even according to their own tenants of faith, belief must be voluntary. Be true to yourself in your heart even if you can't be vocal about it. I know it seems like living a lie, but right now the law is on their side and your safety and well being is the most important thing.

I

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Permalink Reply by New Atheist on October 26, 2010 at 11:33pm

I'm feeling somewhat disturbed about so many people giving advice to keep her head down lest she be abused or sent to a jesus camp. No one can force you to believe what you don't believe. If you are under any threat of violence to obey, OP, then you have every right to call Child Protective Services. Parents may be the bosses for now, but they never have the right to be violent for any reason.

It would be good if you could give us some more information, Sono Gosu Shojo, what you told your dad before he said that to you, and what type of services your family attends. Your profile says you live with your grandma, so I'm not sure how often you even see your dad.

It's good that he did not take your Internet privileges away from you, so you can keep coming here for support. There are online books you can read. Depending on how old you are you can go to your local library with a friend and read atheist books there. Or if you have a friend at school who is an atheist, or supportive, you can go to a bookstore together to look at books.

I wish there were more resources for kids and teens who don't share their parents' faith. It's really unfair to force a religion down young people's throats, because we are so impressionable then - I know I was. It's brave of you to have even said anything to your parents.

I was a bit rebellious myself as a teenager, and I would fight with my dad about my religious choices. Sometimes I got out of going to church and other times I felt forced, but I'd sit there with my headphones until they realized what I was doing. But then again, I was a fighter, I knew I'd get hollered at, and I didn't care. Now I've mellowed, and I even like to avoid arguments. At this age, I have a better relationship with my dad. He doesn't think it's cool to be an atheist, but he doesn't try to convert me or anything.

I wonder if there's some type of a support group that's specific to minors.

Remember that no one can ever tell you what to think. Your mind is free, and what you have in front of you are decisions. You probably know what your dad's reaction will be depending on what actions you take, and you have to think, can I live with this reaction? Will it make my life better/worse/stay the same? What is better living a lie or living with the consequences of living as myself? Whichever seems like a better path, is the one you will probably end up taking.

In any case, I'm sorry he said that to you.

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Permalink Reply by Park Bierbower on October 27, 2010 at 8:24am

I agree, and I wonder if this might be the perfect place to start such a support group for the young, if it hasn't been done already...

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Permalink Reply by Kiru on October 27, 2010 at 12:15am

I'm with New Atheist. If you just shut up and do as you're told, well that leads to personal issues. Say "fuck it" and put it all on the table. One thing I've learned in the past decade is that living safely is a great way to never live at all, and by not really living we spend the rest of our lives wishing we had. I can at least say that I stood up to my family. Shunned by the church, but accepted by the real friends. I never had the fake ones. Be real and real friends will show up. Be real and a real life is set before you. Be real, because that's the only you there is. And if they get abusive, well, not gonna say how I'd handle that (I'm a better fighter than my dad and all brothers, but I do hate violence), but there are so many ways to deal with it. If you have the nuts to stand up, have the nuts to go all the way. Just be ready. I know this shit is hard, a lot of things in life are. But I've learned to deal with what's hard now (I know this is sounding wrong!) and take on the next issue as it comes (oh hell) along. But if I set things aside, then I have fifty issues to face.

I don't know, just trying to sound intelligent at 1am. Hope I've made some sense. :)

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Permalink Reply by Sono Gosu Shōjo on December 8, 2010 at 9:49pm

thanks all for the advice ill just sit back and wait until i leave, so can anyone give me some fun stuff to do at church lolz

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Permalink Reply by Matthew S on February 14, 2011 at 4:22pm

My mom said the same thing to me. Problem is, belief isn't a choice. Not much you can do.

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Permalink Reply by Secular Forces 2013 on February 17, 2011 at 1:56pm

If this post is furreal:
are you allowed to go to hard rock shows? sick of it all helped me out and still do
read heathen science books too and eat well/exercise; isk8!

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