Catholic Church Fights back With Bid to Win Over Sunday Consumers

With the adoption of a revolutionary and innovative strategy, the Catholic hierarchy is hoping to reverse the trend of falling attendance at Mass and its target group is lthe growing number of people who take Sunday breakfast at supermarkets, MacDonalds and other fast food outlets.

The first dish of the new line is pictured above and is the Body of Christ Family pizza. At present this is served with toppings of figs or olives.  It has also been reported that the Eucharist burger is in the pipeline and will consist of a baconburger between two hosts but this has raised a serious theological problem.

Given that Catholic doctrine holds that the Mass is the reenactment of the last supper and that Jewish dietary laws  were binding on the first Christians, many theologians are  concerned that such a product would contravene these laws and lead to grave sin.

Speaking on this issue, the well-known spokesman of the neoliberal wing of the hierarchy, Cardinal Ghimmedasoldi said, "At £7.99 per communicant this presents a wonderful opportunity for the Church both to increase attendance at Mass and to replenish its coffers and we cannot allow theological hairsplitting to interfere with market forces.  Some of our more traditional brothers in Christ msut come to terms swith Globalisation and realise that we are now in the 21st century.  Pax vobiscum."

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