Can an atheist and a devout christian have a long lasting romantic relationship?

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Permalink Reply by Corey on June 26, 2010 at 8:08pm

My friend is an intelligent person, however she is naive to a few things. I have tried to point out some things about the bible and god that cannot be reconciled with the claims made for his existence(and his moral, intellectual etc...superiority), but she is a typical theist, and would rather ignore the obvious when it comes to facts and reason. I do have a hard time with her unwillingness to use some common sense when it comes to her beliefs

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Permalink Reply by Diana on July 3, 2010 at 5:23pm

That. As you already said, there aren't a lot of people for you to talk with out there anyway, and if you can't express yourself to the one you spend the most time with, then where do you find that? I live in Texas, and other than my husband on a daily basis, and a few others, there is almost nobody with whom I can really be myself. If I had to hide my feelings about religion even at home, everything from mild amusement to red-hot anger, whew, I'd be ready to explode most of the time.

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Permalink Reply by SecularBob on June 26, 2010 at 8:32pm

Corey its nearly impossible to do such a thing but I said nearly. I had a devout Christian girlfriend who knew I was an Atheist. I explained to her what Secular Humanism was, in hopes that she understood my point of view. It may start out good but eventually something will come up, in my case it was silly but eventually lead to an theist non theist battle. After dating her just under a month we never talked religion and this lead to me "biting my tongue" a lot. One Sunday I was driving home from the bigger city, and I seen a car dealer and I was looking at a used car. I seen a car that I was looking for, so I pulled in to find just one person there (the owner). I asked him about it and he told me "Sir I can not sell you a car on Sunday due to Illinois laws, I am only here to catch up on a few things". Now mind you I am 50 miles away from my home town and I seen a car that i was kinda looking for and hes asking me to come back tomorrow. I tell the guy have a nice day and get back in my car. I started mildly complaining about it, and she says its probably cause its the sabbath. I said that's unfair....yada yada yada 20 mins deep discussion talking she tells me she refuses to believe that I am an Atheist, and that I just was turning my back on God. It was the last day we were together. I suggest if shes devout and not open-minded then stay away. If you choice to do so keep these two things in mind. One she will always love God before you and that will never change. She is going to try and get you to change no matter how secular you chose to be, its a matter of how much you can take, without firing back.

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Permalink Reply by Corey on June 26, 2010 at 9:57pm

She tells me that she prays for me, and that she believes one day I'll believe in god again. I tell her as soon as god reveals himself in a scientifically testable way, I'll believe he exists. However it dosen't mean that I'll become a christian(or muslim etc...). God would have a lot of explaining to do for me. I do think we're going to have a very big disagreement on this one day, though.

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Permalink Reply by Sam Jones on June 28, 2010 at 5:46pm

This is a huge red flag that says she will not accept you as an atheist. If she is "praying that you will change" means she's also betting on it. I'd stay away man.

I made that mistake, fell in love with a girl, spent almost 2 years with her and then got this bomb, I tried to tell myself the whole time, it's ok she's not trying to change me. It took me a long time to get over. It was a tragic situation, she was an amazing intelligent woman, except for this belief. It took me the better part of a year to get over her.

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Permalink Reply by Adia Lynette on July 1, 2010 at 10:12pm

I'm with Sam on this one.

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Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 1, 2010 at 3:43am

I'm kind of late to this conversation, but this sounds exactly like my experience dating theists. They always say they really don't mind, and they respect your beliefs, but somewhere down the line, they'll start asking why you won't come to church with them.

I think the main cause for this is that most Christians can't really get their mind around the fact that lots of people just don't believe in God. I've heard from more than one person that people in the middle of China, who have never been exposed to Christianity really know that God exists, and they're just Buddhists because of their culture.

I mean there may be the odd 5% who are really okay with you being an Atheist, but in almost every situation, I'd bet on her scheming in the back of her mind how she should go about converting you. She'll wait until you've been dating for a year or two, and then try to use that for leverage.

Go ahead and date the wishy-washy "God is Love" types who don't really believe in the Bible all you want. Anyone even vaguely devout or fundamentalist though, stay the hell away.

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Permalink Reply by Roy The Infidel on June 26, 2010 at 10:28pm

My last girlfriend was a catholic. There will always be times when the issue of her skydaddy will pop up. I live in a country where only less than 5% are non-believers. So, most if not all the women that have come and gone were catholics or from other denominations. I have never successfully deconverted one in spite of the fact that they were highly educated women. Marx was correct. Religion is a drug. Not even love or sex can top that. Logic? Science? No, she loves her addiction.

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Permalink Reply by damian on June 26, 2010 at 11:03pm

I think if it works, you have alot of patience, and she is a lucky woman. Every relationship is unique. Some girls claim to be catholic, but never attend church or discuss it; that might be a good situation. You are right about having the big conversation argument one day. It's gonna happen. It seems to me that the basic way of thinking is too big of a difference to overcome in the long run (for me). I don't know if i could do it. I've come across a few (just a few) situations where i could've entered into a relationship on some level, but i just knew that the big conversation would take place, so i backed out. I had a blowout with my girlfriend years ago; before i deconverted. In a nutshell, she would talk about the bible, and i told her that she was crazy. So, I was the one claiming to be religious when i really wasn't. This is a tough situation for you. Companionship is great, but if i had to argue about religion, i don't know if i could stand it. Just let it play out if you're enjoying it.

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Permalink Reply by Jay A Small on June 26, 2010 at 11:34pm

I suppose it depends on how much it grates on you that religous assertions are given free pass from evidence. On a date I had with my now wife of 20 years, I told her in no uncertain terms that I could not have the same kind of relationship with a religious woman that I could with someone who openly questions it. She was a Christian at the time. But I was the first person she ever met to suggest that the intellectual crap she had been dieting upon all her years was utterly unsupported except by wishful thinking. Now, of course, we share our devotion to the FSM, the one true God. The contrast to the relationship's potential between a religious partner and an atheistic one could not be overstated.

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Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on June 27, 2010 at 12:15am

At this point I seriously don't think I could. Being a match morally, politically, intellectually, is just too important. And having spent the last several years in rural Arizona, I can relate.

But everyone is different. Perhaps some can reconcile that gap.

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Permalink Reply by Stephan Lunday on June 27, 2010 at 12:24am

I always start thinking ahead to the day children might be involved. I know that religion would end up being a serious point of contention between us. I would never force my children to go to church, but I'm sure she would want them to.

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