Buddy Jesus' Guide to the Commandments

Here is basically what my Dad said to his people:

1. I'm the best God, and I like you Jews better than the other people, so worship me.

2. Don't make any pictures of anything, that includes my photogenic son.

2a. Those pictures that you aren't making, don't worship them or I'll get jealous.

3. Don't talk about me like I'm a bad guy or not as important as I think I am.

4. I was burned out and slept in on Sunday, so I expect you guys to sleep in too.

5. Be good to your parents, and that way you'll live longer.

6. Don't murder people, but if I tell you to kill people, that's okay.

7. If you're married, don't have sex with another chick, and especially not a dude.

8. Don't steal someone else's shit.

9. Don't be a dick and tell lies about the people in your neighborhood.

10. Don't be jealous of other people's shit.