What's the BEST line you NEVER used on a Christian but wanted to REEELY bad...?



My fundie ex-mother-in-law once handed me a "letter from God", it was a project their pastor had given them, to write a hypothetical letter from God to themselves, and what they imagined God would say to them and about them, what advice God would give, etc.


It was all pretty mundane stuff, hardly worth commenting on, but the first thought that entered my head (but did not pass my lips) was...


"For the creator of the universe, God can't spell worth a damn...."


Had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting that out...





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I feel like saying "too bad your mom didn't have an abortion" to some people but obviously never would.  Well there is this one person...  I like your answer. :)
I seriously want a bumper sticker that says "You're proof abortion should be legal." But I don't want my car badly damaged, either. >.>
How stupid is that to say "I don't like abortion" in response to a shirt that already has an answer to the person's not liking it?

That made me chuckle...

My overly religious neighbor stormed over to my house and accused me of yelling at his kids to get off my property (I didn't yell at them btw).  He proceeded to allegedly find Home Owners Association violations on my property and smugly announced flopping his arm over my shoulders that "I could tell on you, but I won't."  When the "visit" was over and he was about to leave he announced that he was a christian (as if the giant cross hanging around his scrawny neck didn't clue me in).  Neither my husband or I said a word and after a noticeable silence he left.  Later I wanted to kick myself for not replying to him after his stunnng announcement, "I'm sorry, I hear they're working on a cure for that."  A missed opportunity....

The minute he touched you you should have screamed.  What a creep!  I also think of great things to say AFTER the person is gone.  Then I want to kick myself!
The bible for all its flaws has some wisdom.  A proverb:  "A word in season, how good it is."

I'm not very good at biting my tongue these days. I remember designing a stained-glass hanging which I got a woman to make for me.  My mother suggested it contained evil spirits because the woman would have been New Age. I told her, "How ridiculous.  Do you check who made your pair of shoes?"


When I was being 'controlled' as a child, my mother said, 'Don't let your mind go blank or the devil will enter.'  Made me feel like I couldn't relax when having a bath.  Maybe someone has a retort for that?


I'm not great at witty retorts, but when I was debating on a forum, there were plenty from others.  I was making a point about Australian animals being unique eg the platypus.  I said something about the platypus having venomous spurs and being able to poo, pee and reproduce from the same hole.  Someone replied "that's just like our fundies.  Except they have one hole at the wrong end."

Dunno if anybody said it yet, but I always fight the urge to reply "I'll think for you" when people say that they will pray for me.
I considered using that as a retort for awhile but couldn't justify the use of my time and energy to do the thinking for the willfully ignorant...or even to say it in jest.  I refuse to think for them. Perhaps something like "Pray for me?  Gee thanks. If you don't want to do anything that will really help just say so."
A simple one, but when someone just has to proclaim their christianity, I reply; "Sorry to hear that".

I came accross this recently..


Prez Jed absolutely slamming a fundie shock jock.. I'll have to memorize it all







LOL  or OTFL  (On The Floor Laughing) ~!!!


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