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bit my tongue, but...

What's the BEST line you NEVER used on a Christian but wanted to REEELY bad...?

example:

My fundie ex-mother-in-law once handed me a "letter from God", it was a project their pastor had given them, to write a hypothetical letter from God to themselves, and what they imagined God would say to them and about them, what advice God would give, etc.

It was all pretty mundane stuff, hardly worth commenting on, but the first thought that entered my head (but did not pass my lips) was...

"For the creator of the universe, God can't spell worth a damn...."

Had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting that out...

--JJR

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Permalink Reply by gillia tsai on November 7, 2011 at 12:17am

gooooooooooooood one!

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Permalink Reply by Aggiememenon on April 8, 2011 at 7:59pm

Reminds me of t-shirts I've seen...."I found Jesus...he was behind the couch the whole time!", etc.

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Permalink Reply by gillia tsai on November 7, 2011 at 12:20am

Reminds me of a burglar who was warned by the house owner's parrot: "Beware of jesus" every time the burglar stole an item & then at the door before he left the house was jesus, the bulldog.

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Permalink Reply by Secular Forces 2013 on April 4, 2011 at 1:43pm

LOL, yeah, damn shame; we don't tell them "come to our group meetup; we need the money!" ferfxsake; I always pull if you voted for Bush in 2000 stop yer whining. ?

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Permalink Reply by Lauren Podolak on April 4, 2011 at 2:05pm

I had a regular customer that was a pastor. He gave me literature all the time (which was put in the circular file). At work, I always tried very hard to avoid every discussion of religion or belief, but with this person, it was very difficult keeping my mouth shut.

One day, the week before easter, the pastor came in and asked me if I would be in church this sunday. I replied no. He asked why not? I replied " I don't need it"

That was the last time he ever said anything to me regarding religion.

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Permalink Reply by Jedi Wanderer on April 4, 2011 at 2:15pm

That was a very effective, measured response. Good job! I wish I could think of simple yet inoffensive responses like that. I either go off the deep end (rarely), or more often I don't have a good comeback and I spend hours frustrated and wondering what I could have said that would have shut the person up. I'll have to remember that one, thanks!

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Permalink Reply by mojo5501 on April 8, 2011 at 4:30pm

The phrase 'letter from God' just reminded me of when my son was young and he saw a church and proudly exclaimed, "Mom, look! It's a small 't'." He was learning his alphabet and saw the symbol as 'just another letter' rather than what it means to Christians. I was secretly proud of his knowledge/ignorance. He wasn't being raised to carry the baggage of religion as an innocent child. He's 20 now and still a heathen like his mom.

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Permalink Reply by Aggiememenon on April 8, 2011 at 7:58pm

Heehee ;-) That reminds me of that Steven Colbert commentary where he (mock) defended Justice Scalia's reasoning about the Mount Soledad Cross being a "secular" symbol, claiming "it could be read as a giant 't', meaning 'thank you, Jews...' [for serving your country...]"

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Permalink Reply by mojo5501 on April 9, 2011 at 10:12am

I hadn't heard about that....Steven Colbert is my hero. I worship him even more now. What he can express with one eyebrow lifting speaks volumes.

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Permalink Reply by booklover on June 22, 2011 at 8:35pm

a small t! How cute! My 17 and 19 year-olds are heathens like I am also. I asked my then 7 year old daughter what she thought of the jesus story and she said "sounds like a myth to me!" smart baby!

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Permalink Reply by Brian Wood on June 22, 2011 at 9:38am

I have a t-shirt says, "Don't Like Abortion? Don't Have One." Lady came up to me, said, "I don't like abortion." I ALMOST said, "Lady, I can't imagine the man who'd willingly put you in a position to need one."