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Yes, my fellow atheists and assorted mouth-breathers, you can finally shed the sham and shame of atheism and begin enjoying the benefits of a better life in the garden of the Lord (the Christian one).

Universal Life Church of California, USA, can ordain you as a Minister right now if you are ready to accept the Lord and do his bidding.

Are you ready, children? Can you handle it?? Chin up, chest out, and click on the link below, you'll be glad you did for all of eternity.

http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination

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Permalink Reply by Bill Ballard on May 22, 2009 at 6:19am

looks to me like this is some new age gimmic rather than any real church with a congregation.

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Permalink Reply by Dr. Ned Kelly on May 22, 2009 at 6:40am

That's what sinners always think, Bill.

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Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on May 22, 2009 at 12:19pm

They can and do legally perform marriages, and they predate newage, having started in 1959. I've known a handful of people who were card carrying UL ministers.

From their website:

"We ordain persons who are totally non-religious or even anti-religious. This may seem contradictory, but we are looking to change negative perception of religion by encouraging people to fearlessly state their personal religious beliefs. The Universal Life Church seeks to fulfill the spiritual needs of as many different groups as we can by offering a wide variety of services and information."

I don't think they are Christian specific.

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Permalink Reply by Dr. Ned Kelly on May 22, 2009 at 3:20pm

UL sells books and pamphlets, see the bottom of their homepage. You have to agree to receive email from them before they will ordain your ~~criminal~~ righteous ass. I expect that they then spam you to buy stuff.

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Permalink Reply by Roy on May 22, 2009 at 12:14pm

Oooohhhhh... I've been an ordained minister for over five years. Yes, I am a man of the cloth, and I must say I prefer cotton over wool. I have offered to officiate at the wedding of friends, but they can't quite seem to get their mental arms around an atheist minister.

I respond to this because I went through Universal Life Church. The also offer a great little package for $25 that is worth every penny. I've even visited the, for lack of better terms, mother church in Modesto, CA, during a business trip. I have to be honest, it's kind of a dump and it was very difficult finding a living human being. However, the one woman I met was very pleasant and kind of daft, rather like Rose from The Golden Girls. We had a charming 5 minute chat.

What I find amazing about all of this is that people who have gone through theological colleges refuse to accept my ordination, although the state didn't have that problem, because I am an atheist. Here are people who believe in galactic, invisible, unprovable super-beings with bad tempers and they have a problem with my credentials.

Go figure, huh? Be well and have a good one.

- Roy

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Permalink Reply by Dr. Ned Kelly on May 22, 2009 at 3:16pm

Interesting, Roy, you're giving me courage and hope!

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Permalink Reply by Buffy on May 27, 2009 at 9:56pm

Ironic, eh? They get cheesed when their "Creationism" isn't accepted as real science yet they sniff at the ordination licenses of people just because they don't come with X years of indoctrination into a particular religion.

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Permalink Reply by Johnsky on May 22, 2009 at 2:33pm

Hey, I've got an idea.

Pay me $20,000 USD and I will reserve you a place in heaven.

What do you mean that's fraud... one sec... Whats that god? It's not? Okay... god says it's not fraud... gimme your money.

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Permalink Reply by Jim Mccall on May 23, 2009 at 2:10pm

I've been an ordained UL minister for a while myself. Back when I last looked you could get a Doctor of Divinity for around $150. You've inspired me to look for my ordination certificate.

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Permalink Reply by Dr. Ned Kelly on May 23, 2009 at 6:45pm

omg! PhD for $150 (USD)! That would be so badass. Thanks, doctor sir.

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Permalink Reply by FreeThinker on May 27, 2009 at 5:52am

Actually, the Doctor of Divinity degree is only $29.99. You can also get a Doctorate in Metaphysics. These degrees are honorary and non-accredited, but you can still legally call yourself Dr. [your name here]. You can't, however, misrepresent yourself as being a medical doctor or use the title to insinuate you have an accredited degree.