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Athiest officially as of yesterday
Recently, as in the past 24 hours (and a few years in the making), I've personally come to the conclusion that I just will never come to terms with the religion that I've grown up with. Given that I am a logical creature, had I been created by a God that would have in fact designed me with this in mind, why did he not provide irrefutable evidence to his existence? I've asked this question (in a roundabout way) multiple times amongst believers and they respond with one of two things: one, proof exists in the bible, which is substantiated with claims of miracles. And two, the fact that we need to have faith and he will reveal himself to you. Faith that I personally just don't feel. I don't feel it. In church, during worship I just don't, and have never really "felt" it. What I do feel, is the genuine goodness in some that I know are believers. Some being really the most caring and good people I know and have ever known. But during worship, I could honestly say that I've had more religious experiences watching movies or at a concert.. which leads me to believe it's really just an emotional chemical high that I have been seeking rather than an actual connection to the ether world.
I went through the standard college years of doubt, of course returning to christianity in a sort of validation of my original beliefs, went through a period of what I can only describe as true belief, putting all worldly facts about religion out of my mind and just taking in what is handed to me through the church. God or Jesus never "revealed" themselves to me, but I ate all the other shit up for a good while.
And now I'm at today, I guess I just think that I can not find any difference in Christianity from the hundreds of other religions that I am supposed to ignore while following that doctrine. I could go on into philosophical discussion but the lack of proof coupled with the understanding that I shouldn't have to rely on other humans, and a book written by other fallible humans (the bible) that very well could be made up, to draw my belief system from, but I've gotten to a point where I really just don't have to explain it to myself, I just don't believe.
In fact, I'm writing this as my wife, who is a believer, sits across the room with absolutely no knowledge of my recent understandings about my beliefs, or lack thereof. I am unsure of what this would mean to her personally, she is easy going about most things, but being an admittedly more emotional brained creature I'm unsure she is at a point to understand
my point of view right now. Perhaps I will let her in on it slowly, in pieces, perhaps not, I just don't want it to affect her emotionally if she needs to think I am with her in her beliefs.
I guess I am not willing to discount the possibility, when dealing with the infinite, perhaps something that resembled what we think of God could be possible, but without proof........ well, I am waiting. And you know what, it's kind of invigorating really.
So hello everyone
I went through the standard college years of doubt, of course returning to christianity in a sort of validation of my original beliefs, went through a period of what I can only describe as true belief, putting all worldly facts about religion out of my mind and just taking in what is handed to me through the church. God or Jesus never "revealed" themselves to me, but I ate all the other shit up for a good while.
And now I'm at today, I guess I just think that I can not find any difference in Christianity from the hundreds of other religions that I am supposed to ignore while following that doctrine. I could go on into philosophical discussion but the lack of proof coupled with the understanding that I shouldn't have to rely on other humans, and a book written by other fallible humans (the bible) that very well could be made up, to draw my belief system from, but I've gotten to a point where I really just don't have to explain it to myself, I just don't believe.
In fact, I'm writing this as my wife, who is a believer, sits across the room with absolutely no knowledge of my recent understandings about my beliefs, or lack thereof. I am unsure of what this would mean to her personally, she is easy going about most things, but being an admittedly more emotional brained creature I'm unsure she is at a point to understand
my point of view right now. Perhaps I will let her in on it slowly, in pieces, perhaps not, I just don't want it to affect her emotionally if she needs to think I am with her in her beliefs.
I guess I am not willing to discount the possibility, when dealing with the infinite, perhaps something that resembled what we think of God could be possible, but without proof........ well, I am waiting. And you know what, it's kind of invigorating really.
So hello everyone
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Фелч Гроган on -
Welcome. I would suggest you get a bit more comfortable with yourself first before you go breaking it to the spouse - plenty of time to come out later. Many here are still in the closet - so there's no real shame in that.
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Permalink Reply by arm3d on -
" (though it has its merits, and his documentary Root of All Evil is worth your time"
actually I was wondering what that was called, I've been watching some of his speeches, which are quite well put
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Permalink Reply by Laurie-Ann on -
...I know how you feel. I've only become a full atheist this year, and struggled to shake off the guilt since then. I tried to believe, I really did, but without solid proof, it's just another excercise in futility.
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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on -
Whom you tell is up to you. There is no rush, especially as "coming out" before you are steady on your feet can cause more problems than if you had waited till you are more familiar with your new standing. As for your wife, you would know best how to approach it, but do keep in mind that she may view your new-found unbelief as an attack on her beliefs, unless you go out of your way to let her know you're not attacking her. That is another reason why waiting till you know how you will say what you will say is better than jumping to it.
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Permalink Reply by Sarah Trachtenberg on -
Welcome to the fold! I think atheism is pretty brave...
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Permalink Reply by Celtix1234 on -
Welcome! Sounds like you're an agnostic atheist: you don't/can't know if there's a god, but you believe there's not. I think a lot of Christians are actually agnostic, and maybe your wife is one. Maybe you can approach it from the angle of "do you ever think about ________". Like "Do you ever think about how Noah got all those animals in the ark? Do you think that really happened?" I was an unbeliever before my husband, and I pretty much brought him along on my trip by doing that. I would just ask him questions about his belief, which eventually had HIM questioning everything, too. Now, we are both atheists.
Good luck!
-Barbara
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Permalink Reply by arm3d on
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I have the feeling you are right in that there's a lot more people in the church that don't feel the presence of God. The kicker is that when one is supposed to be "saved", they are overcome with the holy spirit. I just don't believe that a single person claiming to be saved really has that feeling. It reminds me of a feedback loop or echo chamber that people get to convincing themselves that something is true when it is in fact not. That combined with the positive reinforcement of the social group (humans are very social animals) tends to validate your position and convince you even further.
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Permalink Reply by Chrys Stevenson on -
Welcome to Atheist Nexus arm. You will find a great deal of support here. As many have already suggested, once you have been a theist, you don't just 'become' an atheist overnight. It's the end of a long road of thought and self-education. Take your time, ask questions, read and listen to podcasts and videos. Above all, think things out for yourself. You have a whole community here to support you.
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Permalink Reply by Greywolf on -
One of the things we non-theists can righfully charge "God" and that son of his, "God" and Interstellar Gas-Cloud "God" with is their failure to convince us non-theists of their existence. "Faith", as in your case proves, has even proven inadequate to do the job. A failing of "God", not yours.
Seen from another perspective, the idiocy of endowing we humans with a brain that just screams that much of the Jesus-God stuff is preposterous beyond belief and then expect us to prostitute our "God-given" intellect," our "God-given" logic and reason, in order to believe in the absurd is just ridiculous.
As for believing in the authority and "divine" nature of the bible: Not a singlie original "book" of either the Old or New Testaments have survived the ravages of time. Not a one. So when the fundies talk about the "original" passages of Scripture being inerrant, what "original" passages are they referring to seeing that there are no original books extent to examine? Seems like God and his Son, "God" didn't think the original books worth preserving, shouldn't we rightfully conclude?
Seems like "God" has made a conscious decision to make Himself appear as non-existent as He possibly can. And just a stupendous job of it, He's done of it, don't you think?! Or is it that he's just plain non-existent?
Welcome to the fold.
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Permalink Reply by animus on -
Welcome aboard arm3d! Been here for about four days learning how to do this or that. Feeling like a kid in a candy store! This (has to be) is one of my favorite places. So many positive people who think! Felt as if I was suffocating in the mire of delusion. The road has been a long journey to find this place and I'm staying put! You will find lots of useful info and people who can help you transition. Good meeting you.
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Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on -
Welcome. You will find a lot to help you on your journey here. There are many of us here with similar stories and some with far worse histories that help put our struggles in perspective.
Read lots. Join groups. Read more. Post when and if you please. And grow with us.
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