The World’s Largest Coalition of Nontheists and Nontheist Communities!
Atheist requiem for a theist
I have very few ‘flesh and blood’ friends where I live (sometimes I wonder if am I approaching a completely virtual existence), and my friend John was the one guy I would have called late at night from the county jail in that ‘only one phone call’ scenario. But he taunted Death for the last time early Sat morning by *refusing* a ride home from a bar very late and trying to drive in a very inebriated state. This followed a dispute with his significant other who was forced to follow him and essentially witness his death, in which he was crushed underneath his vehicle after rolling it into a field.
Relevance:
I can’t even explain in logical terms why John and I were such good friends, although we did respect each other on many levels. John was a 59 year-old staunch Catholic Republican of Austrian descent, born and raised in Kansas. I am a liberal, atheist heathen from Canada (and that may as well be Russia out here) - and we disagreed on almost *everything* w/r/t philosophy, religion and politics. It astonishes me to this day that we still managed to enjoy each other’s company as much as we did. He was a regular visitor at my dinner table and Saturday nights are not going to be the same without him. He was highly intelligent and made some significant community service contributions.
What I have learned from knowing John, that has now been reinforced by losing him, is that belief systems (or a lack there-of) need not, and should not, become barriers to human communication, or even friendship. I would like to think that if John learned anything from me, it was that atheists did not necessarily fit the picture he had been carrying around.
So in a few days I will be a pallbearer at a very Catholic funeral ceremony, where every ridiculous invocation will grate on me like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I will do it out of respect for John and not for Catholicism.
But what about when an atheist dies? What do you say at an atheist funeral and who presides? Does religion have a stranglehold on end-of-life ceremonies? If you don't want a Christian funeral, what do you ask for in your will?
Relevance:
I can’t even explain in logical terms why John and I were such good friends, although we did respect each other on many levels. John was a 59 year-old staunch Catholic Republican of Austrian descent, born and raised in Kansas. I am a liberal, atheist heathen from Canada (and that may as well be Russia out here) - and we disagreed on almost *everything* w/r/t philosophy, religion and politics. It astonishes me to this day that we still managed to enjoy each other’s company as much as we did. He was a regular visitor at my dinner table and Saturday nights are not going to be the same without him. He was highly intelligent and made some significant community service contributions.
What I have learned from knowing John, that has now been reinforced by losing him, is that belief systems (or a lack there-of) need not, and should not, become barriers to human communication, or even friendship. I would like to think that if John learned anything from me, it was that atheists did not necessarily fit the picture he had been carrying around.
So in a few days I will be a pallbearer at a very Catholic funeral ceremony, where every ridiculous invocation will grate on me like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I will do it out of respect for John and not for Catholicism.
But what about when an atheist dies? What do you say at an atheist funeral and who presides? Does religion have a stranglehold on end-of-life ceremonies? If you don't want a Christian funeral, what do you ask for in your will?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Jaume on -
If you don't want a Christian funeral, what do you ask for in your will?
Nothing. Funerals are for mourners, not for the dead. I want them to arrange my funeral according to their own desires.
-
Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on -
Yes, funerals are for the living. No argument there.
My issue is that I don't want any recognition of religion, tactic or explicit, attached to mine - or any implication that I endorse one. Can't they just invite everyone to a big hedonistic party? (Sorry - meant to post this in Family and Community.)
-
Permalink Reply by The Nerd on -
I put it there for you. :)
I think I have to agree with Jaume. Think about it this way: if you're dead, you won't know what they did at your funeral anyway.
-
Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on
-
Hey - Thanks!
Yes, of course I won't know after I'm dead.
But it still bothers me that religions seem to have this 'death grip' on all things funeral.
We have secular marriages don't we? I want a secular funeral, simply because I don't want to imply, even tacitly. the slightest bit of deference to any of their mythologies, even after death.
-
Permalink Reply by Sandra Stott on -
yes, a wake is a big hedonistic party, as there is lots of drinking and stuffing of the face with food involved.
-
Permalink Reply by Jennifer Anker on -
Yes, but when having a religious funeral for an atheist, how does a religious person avoid talking about how the atheist is currently burning in hell? >.X
-
Permalink Reply by Garrick McElroy on -
I have but one rule to my funeral: No one is allowed to wear dreary colors. Blacks and grays. Neon is encouraged. I don't want them to be sad that I'm dead, but rather rejoice that I had ever lived. That's all I'd put in my will about it. Unless you consider cremation part of the funeral.
-
Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on
-
Personally, I am recommending a big beer-bash, Irish-style wake with whatever assorted cases of home brew and leftover liqour happens to be left in my cellar.
-
Permalink Reply by Jennifer Anker on
-
I just want purple balloons. Something tacky and silly like I am. >.>
-
Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on
-
Thanks Amanda.
So, the recurrent them so far seems to be, 'If I'm dead, I don't care'.
Well I DO care. Maybe its because I'm a scientist and I care about leaving behind some research that will continue to matter to someone, but I also care about other things attached to, or associated with, my name or existence. I don't want religion to obtain any deference, even tacit, from my life or my death.
I lived as an atheist my whole life and I would prefer to be remembered as one (and hopefully as a half-decent bug scientist as well).
Maybe the thought of having to go to a church ceremony for this funeral is pissing me off, too.
-
Permalink Reply by The Nerd on
-
Yeah, that'd piss me off too, to just want to remember a person, and then have to listen to all the "he's in heaven now" BS.
-
Permalink Reply by Trey Miller on -
JPM, it seems to me that if you lived as an Atheist all of your life, those who know and love you would know that already. I don't take issue with theists praying for me and if there are family members or friends who want to pray or invoke some supernatural belief, let them. If you are truly concerned about what is said at your service or where it is held, make your wishes known to your loved ones now. Ask a close friend from the Atheist community to speak on your behalf. Get a will that spells out your wishes.
I agree with the other posts...have a party.
Support Nexus
Click to Buy Amazon items and help A|N
Advertisements
Latest Activity
- Top News
- Everything
Chris Breman replied to Don Weller's discussion Better Luck Next Time? (a year after the NON-apocalypse)
Dust replied to Scott Bidstrup's discussion Psychology Today: The Fear of Atheism in the group ORIGINS: UNIVERSE, LIFE, HUMANKIND, AND DARWIN
Joan Denoo replied to Jedi Wanderer's discussion When is Murder justified? in the group Wanderer's Group
Write4U commented on Nate Julian's blog post New to open atheism, here is part of what recently allowed me to publicly affirm my beliefs.
George hawkins posted a videoWay To Go America, Way To Go...
Website: http://www.gphhawkinsrationalistsociety.weebly.com/ My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/gphhawkins Podcast: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gphh...
Joan Denoo replied to Jedi Wanderer's discussion Fairness is Essential for Economic Growth in the group Wanderer's Group© 2012 Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Brother Richard.
