I am very free about my atheism, I am very open about my belief and why i feel the way i do. i am in the dating scene for the first time in four years after being married to a theist and i am finding love to be a difficult and elusive capture. i met what i believed to be a wonderful man from SC, very religious man, religious family. i told him from the very beginning that i am atheist, i will never be christian and i am fully acceptable of his views and beliefs and that i expect the same courtesy. he told me he had no problem with my non theism and we went from there. upon said gentleman returning to SC for leave i began to see a difference in our conversations and what not..i politely told him that i did not know what he wanted me to do, as he would be re deploying once he came back from leave. our conversation quickly turned to him saying that he had "concerns" about our relationship, my beliefs and that we would be raising our kids with "a different set of values and morals" i became very offended at this because i felt that he was insinuating that because he is a christian and i am not that i had a lower set of morals and values..WTF??? now, i am perfectly happy letting my children explore religion of all kids, attend different gatherings of people from many beliefs but at the same time, i know what is right and whats wrong and just because i do not believe in a "god" obviously there are people that really believe that i automatically have a lower set of standards than someone who does believe. i gracefully and with class and courtesy, send the gentleman on his way, i am back to the drawing board :) thanks for reading my rant, i dont know if i filed this in the right category, but i wanted to put it out to people that understand!

Tags: atheist, love, theist

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Oh kara, I know this all too well.  I live in oklahoma and every woman I find attractive ends up being a christian.  I'm so fed up with it that I no longer date christians since I am looking for something loving and long lasting.  I am a bit different in my views when it comes to children though.  When i have children the won't be allowed to go to church or sunday school etc until I feel they are developed enough to make an informed decision and see through all the BS that religious people spout at them.  If they choose then to be religious, I have no issue with it.  I just want them to be able to truly process all the information they get when it comes to this.  I don't want them indoctrinated at a young age.  I feel church at a young age for a child is brain washing.   I explained this to an ex once who was very far off from being what you would call a christian yet she still claimed christianity as her beliefs and she went off the deep end.  talking about "what if my child dies and has never been baptized, it'll go to hell etc.." what she didnt understand or even consider was my standpoint.  I'd have let her get teh child baptized, no problem.  All I was really looking for is some sort of consideration on her part, some sort of acknowledgement of my feelings in the matter.  It was at that point that I realized that no matter what, my position on religion will never be respected by someone who believes.  I'm much happier with my love life now that I have cut christians out of my daiting pool.  It's also a lot less stressful as I don't feel like im being judged on everything I say.  Not to say that non believers arn't judgemental, in my experience i find it a lot less stressful if im being judged based on someone's personal morals rather then thier religious hocus pokus.   

thank you for your support :) i have recently became involved with a fellow atheist and i am very excited to see where this goes. his name is joe, but i call him gorilla man because he is RIPPED!! hahahan hmmmmmm...

 

i am considering taking your stance on not dating within the christian dating pool. actually, i pretty much have taken this perspective.

Run!  Don't walk.  Drop him. I bet the sex was great!  Now that he has insinuated himself into your life he wants to control it and bring you to jesus.  He cannot give you the minimum respect that you requested from the start then you need to leave him now.  Game over. I have to agree with the don't date Christians stance.  It's just too much trouble to not have real agreement on things even from the very start of the relationship.  Things will only get worse down the road. TRUST ME!

 

S

 

 

Charles- Agnostic usually means "too scared to go all the way" and be an atheist.  The fear imprinted on kids in our culture is amazing.  It's a kind of torture.  "You will burn in hell forever and ever."  Written by people who had no concept of forever. I feel for her.  Being with you must have made it really hard for her to ignore her anxiety so her fear reared up and made her go all 'christy' again.  Im sure it was a pain for you, but I understand the torment she was under. 

 

i wish that people would understand that when the religion thing comes up (as it often does on first dates with me heheheh) and i am told by some one that they "dont believe in god but they believe theres something out there" i cant with hold a giggle very long :)

 

i bring up my non theism on the first date every time. i feel like it is a sore subject with some and ppl get all sandy vagina about it and i feel like its better to get it out of the way.

 

i have not talked to the gentleman from before (the SC guy) again. i met the guy after that his name is joe and joe i think that despite all the things i like about im including that he is an athiest and cannot have any more kids (he only has one) he wants to be a playboy and im too old to deal with that, hes also 3 years younger than me.

 

i am seeing this wonderful man named ronnie. the sweetest man i have ever met, the relationship is developing at a very comfortable pace for both of us. he is a christian, i have yet to discover the depth of his believe, i.e. i havent seen a bible in his room, he doesnt go to church, doesnt speak or pray that i am aware of..so maybe he just believes just because its comfortable and easy and tradition. i have been very open and honest with him and held nothing back including my past experience which we have all talked about...i considered never dating a christian man again, i feel like that may cut a lot of people out of the fishing pool for me. its about acceptance regardless of agreeableness. as long as we can hold hands across that fence then the relationship will survive and i of course have my heart, my mind and my eyes wide open :)

 

aloha and mahalo

keke

i've met a nice guy not so long ago but unlike you im not too tolerant to theists around me.

i wish them best of like and all the bliss and glory in the world, but i just can't stand having people who think inside the box as my close friends. that's just boring and means they can never understand the important part of me which is my love for freedom, including freethinking. and what's the point of being in a relationship with someone who can't appreciate who you are?

frankly, i can't fully respect a person who is deeply religious. the position 'i believe there might be some higher power' is the only acceptable one for me.

so, i actually told him that it will not work out coz i will not let anyone indoctrinate my kids (if i ever have them) with any religious bullshit until they are teens

it's better to bring the religion topic up from the first date if at least for one of the 2 the question of believing or not is important. disappointment is less painful in the beginning.

For Christians there can be no compromise. Read II Corinthians 6:14-18. I was in a marriage where I was once a conservative, fundamentalist Christian and minister, became an atheist and the marriage ended in divorce after years of pain and agony. The issue is on the side of the Christian. Tolerance is NOT part of that religion. As an atheist you are worse than a pedophile or murderer around their children as you threaten their eternal destiny. I know that sounds extreme but it's true.

 

When my wife told the kids about the divorce with me there she said I had been tempted and deluded by Satan and has lead my son astray. As far as she was concerned I had all but thrown him into hell.

 

14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[b]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said:

   “I will live with them
   and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
   and they will be my people.”[c]

 17 Therefore,

   “Come out from them
   and be separate,
            says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
   and I will receive you.”[d]

 18 And,

   “I will be a Father to you,
   and you will be my sons and daughters,
            says the Lord Almighty.”[e]

For Christians faith is a virtue and synonymous with humility and morality. Anyone who is not a Christian by definition is immoral and arrogant. You should look up some talks and debates by Sam Harris where he deals with morality apart from religion.

our religious difference has not presented itself to be a problem..we are planning to be married and have chosen to write our own vows and not include any religious reference at all and of course NOT be married in a church. lol we live in Hawaii, why would we have an indoor wedding ANYWAYS :) thanks fellow atheists..i really enjoy the site and the discussions and the opinions i receive!!

 

Aloha and Mahalo

Kara

I think this situation relates to a pet theory of mine, that it is helpful to veiw theists as needing to save nontheist from dieing in a house fire.

If you believed someone to be in imenent danger, say a house fire, you would then feel, not only allowed but compelled, to do whatever it took to save them, including lying and cheating.

Any other action would not be sufficient, as it may lead to this person dying in this fire. If this person said "I will deal with this latter. I prefer to nap right now". You would probably feel allowed to remove him, by force if necessary, as you probably couldn't live with this person dying in this fire knowing you could have prevented it.

For a theist, it is the same situation, as they believe they are compelled to save everyone else from hellfire. This theist couldn't care much for you and allow this actually.

The only difference btwn us saving someone's from a burning bldg and theists saving others from hellfire is that we probably wouldn't come to believe their house was on fire and was in danger w/o good evidence, and definetly not merely because a two thousand year old book days so. For theists tho, this is sufficient and gives them adequate justification on for all manner of otherwise unacceptable behavior. As such, there is no reason at all to figure they will stop. Would you?

I'm not going to go as far as to say Christians and Atheists cannot co-exist in a loving relationship, I'm just going to say I've never seen it work.

(then again, I think the ratio of loving relationships that DO work between anyone is about 5% anyways. Regardless of beliefs)

 

Between Christians and Atheists, it usually ends with the Christian using their relationship as some kind of negotiation threat in order to push them into religion. It never works, it always ends the relationship.

 

I just wish Christians would finally get it through their heads that most Atheists are practically impossible to convert, because we became Atheists through logical conclusions, not blind beliefs.

 

The Christians seem to think of conversion as a damned sport, wanting to be the heroic fictional character who out-smarted Science and Logic ... as if there's some f***ing mythological story book about it, and some jobless guy in wizards robes passing it to them as a quest.

Oh wait...

... there is a mythological story book...

... and the wizards robes tend to be a bit of an understatement.

eeerrrr....uh, i really think that for most people including myself that these statements hold true that christians will either try and "save you from a burning house" (this is cute and true, i love it) or play christianity as a sport.... HOLD THE FUCK UP

Okay I am trailing off here because I just realized something that pisses me off..when I type in the words christian and christianity my fucking spellcheck lights them up because it thinks these words need capitalized..WTF IS GOING ON!!!

 

Back on subject: cont. but theres a part of me that thinks that with some good reading material that my man Ronnie would probably side with us on the topic. He doesnt think about religion a lot and it was never a big part of his life or his families life, like i said in one of my previous posts on this thread that he is just a believer out of tradition or the obligation to believe; even the more dreaded "higher power" statement, my best guess (ive never asked him) is that he isnt firm in his christianity. i mean just our mutual agreeableness about completely omitting religion or the mention of god in our nuptials tells me a lot in addition to the conversations we have had regarding the matter of religion.  

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