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"As God is my witness..."

I have about 30 people that report to me and two guys in one area that can't stand each other. It's like dealing with two 9 year old kids every month or two. They are both good machinists although their childish, ongoing crap might get one or both let go someday.

This month's episode has one of them storming in my office accusing the other of going in his toolbox - a big no-no. He said, "As God is my witness, I know Bill took my wrench." After a short pregnant pause I finally said, "Well, I'm going to need more proof than that." He seemed to be taken back by that and then I said, "Why don't you check around your area again and I'll check with Bill."

Bill denied anything and said Mike was delusional. About an hour later Mike walks back in my office and says he found his wrench under his toolbox (which wouldn't surprise me if Bill put it there).

Later on I was thinking about the line "As God is my witness". It's basically saying their invisible friend will magically back them up and because they invoked "God", you're suppose to just respect it as fact.

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Permalink Reply by Dave Rogers on October 27, 2009 at 11:32pm

It might be tough getting that in the company policy manual, although worth a try...

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Permalink Reply by Ronin on October 27, 2009 at 11:38pm

One day at my pharmacy I had a customer call me and question me about her prescription. After looking up the hard copy I informed her she did not have any refills. She continued to question what I was looking at and was I sure and finally said "Are you telling me the truth?". I was taken aback by this challenge to my honesty and integrity. I asked her "Are you calling me a liar or incompetent?". Her response was "Well, I don't know what you're looking at, I can't be sure of what you're saying." I responded with "Are you saying I'm lying or not?" She than said "I don't know if I believe you." At this point I told her to find another pharmacy and to not return here. If she questions my honesty I will not fill her prescriptions. About an hour later she came into the store to confront me. I told her to please leave and not to return or I would have her removed from the premises. Now the crowning glory. "I'm a good christian woman and I hope you go to hell!" Nice HUH!

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Permalink Reply by unholyroller on October 28, 2009 at 12:06am

IN my experience, Ronin, that's typical xtian sentement toward the rest of us. When my grandchildren were little they watched a cartoon called Rugrats. They were always misquoting the adults and my favorite was "As Bob is my witless". That's what I use instead AGIMW. It's fun to watch people's faces when they try to figure out if they heard me right or not.