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An atheist married to a christian venting

While the fact that I, as an atheist, marrying a christian was a sure fire way to lead to disagreements it went a bit too far today.

She has spending each day at a ongoing church revival for the last two weeks. Today I finally raised a bit of concern for just how much time she was spending there each day (from about 10am to 3pm and then 6pm to 11pm each day). Her response was something that I have never experienced before - She "rebuked me in the name of Jesus", called me a devil and proceeded to follow me around the house talking in tongues. WTF! How is that any different then a small child sticking their fingers in their ears and saying "nanana I can't hear you!"? To me that is just incredibly disrespectful and dismissive as if anything said couldn't possibly be from a spouse but had to be the boogieman.

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Permalink Reply by Kim D on August 9, 2011 at 4:50pm

You brought up a real issue about the amount of time she spends away from the family and she called you a devil. Wow. You're in a very tough situation which, to me, might make our differences irreconcilable. I just hope she did that out of anger and not because she really believes that you're being controlled by Satan. Religious belief is the scourge of mankind, especially when it is fanatical. I'm sorry you're going through that, but I suppose all of us that think rationally will have them.

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on August 9, 2011 at 5:30pm

Sorry to hear about your situation. Were you able to resolve the conflict? Is everything OK now?

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Permalink Reply by Hazel H. on August 9, 2011 at 6:37pm

Sorry to hear about your dilemma, Brian. It is frustrating to have two people with opposing beliefs in a marriage. Worse, if you have in-laws dipping their grubby fingers in your already strained relationship. I do not have any good advice. But I do hope things turn out well for you. :(

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Permalink Reply by Ava Wilson on August 13, 2011 at 3:55am

It's not just disrespectful and dismissive, it's frightening. How can you possibly make a marriage work when by definition she HAS to believe you're going to hell? I don't get it.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel PD on March 23, 2012 at 6:00pm

I think it might be intervention time....

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Permalink Reply by Lillie on September 17, 2012 at 11:30pm

So sad, especially for the kids.

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Permalink Reply by Tony Atkinson on September 18, 2012 at 12:42am

Dang, I feel bad for you. Sounds like she might be getting an extra dose of crazy brainwashing at that revival. I could try and give advice but, it would probably be to sarcastic and inappropriate. Hope the crazy doesn't stick and she can become the woman you fell in love with again. If not, head for the hills before she tries to do an exorcism on you.

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Permalink Reply by Jenn Wiffen on September 18, 2012 at 12:31pm

All I can offer is this isn't something to leave alone to fester til the 'next time.' Good luck to you and I am sorry you are having to deal with this in your marriage cause she is being very disrespectful to both you and the kids in her lack of balanced priorities.

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Permalink Reply by danny Kay on September 21, 2012 at 4:04pm

The only redeeming factor here is if someone posts, "I love this Christain man, should I marry him?" *saving link...

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Permalink Reply by damian on September 25, 2012 at 11:31pm

I don't know how you do it. I just can't imagine. It seems that there is a divide that may not be able to be mended. I couldn't imagine my wife (if i had one) calling me a devil. The issue seems so huge, and i don't know how it can be avoided.

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Permalink Reply by Humble Pie on October 17, 2012 at 5:56pm

Hey Brian, I know it's way late, but I feel like I have a pretty solid grasp on the basics of Christianity and thought I might be able to help you out. First, 1st Peter 3:1-2 is a much better place to start than 1st Timothy 2. It gives the reason behind the action, basically, if she is a jack ass she won't have any influence over you, but if she is submissive, you might be persuaded to become a believer. Note that 1st Peter explicitly says wives must obey even unbelieving husbands.

Second, and perhaps more to the point here, is 1st Corinthians 14:27-28, where it says you should only speak in tongues if there is someone else available who can interpret. Otherwise, they should keep silent and talk only to God.

Fire can only be fought with fire. Once someone is that far into religion, you have to play within it's own rules to get them out.

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Permalink Reply by Claudia Dunham on November 22, 2012 at 8:32pm

Humble Pie, Wow! That's good. I hate that we have to know their book better than they do but it seems like it could really help in this situation.

Brian, I really hope things get better after the retreat - but it seems this has reached a level that you cannot ignore. Especially at the age your children are at. If it were me, I'd do a lot of thinking about what I could stand to live with, what is appropriate behavior in front of the children, and what is good for the children's development. You need to have one or more discussions with your wife to establish house rules.

She chose to marry you. Humble Pie makes a good point that her belief framework says she should be submissive to her husband. You allow her to have her faith - but she has taken it beyond reasonable level.

I hope you can work things out.