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Permalink Reply by FreeThinker on May 22, 2009 at 5:54pm

One theory I've developed is that Mary was bi-sexual. For Joseph's birthday, she invites another girl (we'll call her Cincy) over for a 3-way. Cindy fellates Joseph until he "spill his seed", then she provides oral sex to Mary while she still has some of Joseph's contributions in her mouth. Mary gets preggers and there you have it.

Another explanation is that Joseph spilled his seed upon Mary's nether regions

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Permalink Reply by Goz on May 25, 2009 at 1:34pm

Or they could have just lied and it was not a virgin birth at all.
I'm saying the whole story was pulled out of someone's nether regions and none if it ever happened in the first place.

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Permalink Reply by Goz on May 25, 2009 at 1:39pm

Methinks this is just a cockamamie story somebody made up and it became an urban legend and the bible writers included it.
BTW schizophrenia and multiple personalities are not the same thing.

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Permalink Reply by Michael on June 9, 2009 at 8:26am

The story is a complete myth. No angels, no virgin birth, not even a Mary, Joseph and Jesus.

Paul was the first to write about Jesus and says nothing of consequence about him. Paul's message was quite simple: Jesus died, came back to life, went to heaven, and he will soon return to save his followers from their oppressors.

But the believers wanted to know more, so the church leaders made up stories to answer the most often asked questions.

By about 70AD there were a few of these stories floating around and Mark put them into his gospel.

Ten years later Matthew had collected many more details which he included in his gospel.

And ten years after that, Luke added even more to his gospel.

It is possible that Matthew and Co were gullible enough to believe the tales they told, but the people who originally composed the stories would be laughing their heads off if they knew that 2000 years later there would be billions of people who actually believed this crap.

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Permalink Reply by LeaT on June 9, 2009 at 5:34pm

I believe there was a higher demand sometime AFTER Mark for Jesus to stand out more. It was however probably originally attractive that Jesus seemed like a common man. Stories also easily distort through hearsay, we have proven that effect.

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Permalink Reply by George Karounis on June 9, 2009 at 11:29am

lol, of course I agree with what you said, but I think you took my article far more seriously than it should have been taken. It was just meant to be a humorous article outlying some reasons why either people would continue to believe in something like this or how it could have come about. '

It was meant to be satire, and not a serious look at the history of religion.

That being said, I appreciate the response, and I would like to see some more discussion about it. Even if people just came up with some more interesting and amusing alternative explanations.

It's always fun to see what other people can come up with.

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Permalink Reply by Mike Hein on June 10, 2009 at 4:16pm

Ruth, that was some was nice work in that post.

Now, get on to something REALLY useful...make a sick joke about it. ;)

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Permalink Reply by Goz on June 10, 2009 at 9:48pm

I have never approached that this way..It makes sense., in a disturbing sort of way.
But why would god think sex is dirty? God created sex after all.

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Permalink Reply by Wolf Martinus on June 9, 2009 at 10:11am

It wasn't me, therefore it must have been a miracle.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer W on June 9, 2009 at 10:34am

There's plenty of other virgin births in other myths too. The story of Jesus itself, wasn't all that original in the first place.

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Permalink Reply by George Karounis on June 10, 2009 at 12:17pm

I think I remember having this exact conversation.

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Permalink Reply by Jason Spicer on June 10, 2009 at 12:50am

I think the obvious answer is parthenogenesis. Mary and Joseph weren't hiding out in Egypt. They were in Greece, at the Parthenon. I mean, what do you think went on there? Duh. Mary was obviously a lesbian, and Joseph was just her beard. She wanted a baby, and this was way before artificial insemination. Of course, this also means that Jesus was really female. And given the male-dominated culture, she had to dress up like a guy to make a name for herself. All very Shakespearean, really. Well, except for the cloning bit. But cross-dressing was rampant back then, as detailed in the fine documentary film Life of Brian. So it all fits.

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