I've found that there seems to be some connection between trauma in one's life and then turning to some sort of superstition.  It doesn't have to be sexual assault, it can be abuse or any other trauma, but it seems that there is this concept of bad luck.  Either the person thinking they are bad luck, or they are worried that doing something will be bad luck and they will get hurt/injured/assaulted, etc.

 

Then it seems that the supersitious people they turn to, encourage that sort of thinking.  They say "oh you must have willed this to happen" or "it's karma" or "you caused it through the law of attraction" or some other woo.

 

So it ends up being a vicious cycle that the person struggles to get out of.

 

It's happened to me, and to other people I know.  Seems to be a lot of victim blaming/ victim shaming. 

 

I was wondering if any of you have encountered this, and if there was any article about the psychology of it.  I'd like to learn more about how it works, and how to stop the negative irrational thought patterns.

 

Now that I'm an atheist I know I'm not causing anything, and as a feminist I have support that I didn't cause anything, but as someone who's had bad experiences there is this psychological attachment to this irrational thinking and I'd like to learn how to stop doing that.

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I think they are just trying to get through it.  Religion does seem to help some people.  Psychotherapy helps a whole lot more.  I don't care if you're a naked prostitute, you didn't do anything to invite, encourage or in any way cause a sexual assault.  I learned victim blaming (especially victims of sexual assault) is common in our society in sociology class.  It takes some retraining of your brain to realize the only one responsible for committing a crime is the criminal.  No one considers it the bank's fault for getting robbed because they store money there. 

 

It was useful to your abuser for you to believe that the abuse was completely your fault, because their goals were a) to keep on abusing you and b) not to face any repercussions for what they did. 

 

I forgave my rapist.  I even told him I forgave him which really screwed with his head.  I did this for me not for him.  I did not deserve the pain my anger and hatred was causing me.  I deserved better than a life filled with pain or bitterness.  And so do you.  You deserve to go where you want, when you want and to wear what you want.  You didn't cause him to be messed up in the mind and get some weird kind of sexual power trip out of raping people.  It wasn't what you wore, where you went or what you did.  It was because he was really screwed up mentally and you did nothing to cause that.  I hope you can move on from these bad experiences and live a happy life in spite of it.  *hugs*

I am reading the lates on this thread and really really appreciating it!

 

I thought i was the only one that thought this way.

 

I can't find happiness until i validate unahppiness.

 

My aunt would not even let me near her when she was dying.

 

now I understand it isnt' about me.

 

and I was wondering why I never went to those pink ribbon rallies in Ocotber.

 

I feel like they're fake or something.

 

I never felt like they validated anything that I went thru with my aunt.

 

I honor her every October, but in my own way.

 

 

 

Jencarlene

Thank you, Grace.  That was a very supportive message.  It's certainly hard enough to get through all of society's victim blaming without then having to be overwhelmed by all the religious nonsense, too.

How true about the bank!  *hugs*

 

Personally, I am certain that being sexually abused directly led me to become a Christian. My family are mostly non-practicing so I came to religion by myself. I think the Church community definitely took advantage of the fact that I was so vulnerable and then shoved their dogma wherever they could whilst my defenses were down.

However, I can't pretend that this was completely unsolicited. When something that horrible happens it's natural to look for reasons why it happened and try to make some sense out of the mess your life has become. Thinking of my abuse as God's Plan helped me do that, I guess, and in the short term it was what I needed. But after a while I think there are very sinister undertones to that belief. God needs me to be raped? To...what? Teach me something? Even if he existed, that's not the sort of God I would worship!

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