Some observations I made on Humanism some years back while going through a dark time.
Human Behavior in Prose
Let me begin with the real definition of love.
“It is the bond between a man and his machine(s)”
Let me explain the rationale behind this idea. If enough effort is applied to the maintenance or design of a machine, the inevitable result will be that the machine will meet or exceed the expected performance.
If a similar effort is applied to a human relationship, the result will be inevitably unpredictable.
It is never implied with any of the following any of the following text should be taken for absolute values. With any discussion about human behavior there can be no absolutes. There are exceptions to any theory or observation
I have a lot to say about human males. It has been said that males tend to be insensitive and out of touch with their own being. I disagree with that idea. I think that the main difference is that males are more honest about their state of being. Males have a primordial outlook on life. They can be satisfied with very basic needs.
The basic male “needs” are defined as the following:
All of the above must be present for the male to feel secure. They may be in variable proportions, or order, but all must be present. Without them the male is certainly destined to varying states of insecurity. This is easily recognizable by observing the behavior of identity assumption. Most easily identified by obsessive following of sports teams and identifying with them, even though they are not even capable of becoming one of them.
Let us define the “needs”.
These are true objects of affection. They supply total occupation. Everything in a male’s life revolves around his toys. In certain cases his toys may also be his means of support. Those individuals that can claim that, are indeed lucky. For the bulk of the population, toys are outside of the occupation. The advantage to this is that this type of arrangement permits stress relief when playing with toys, thus a more stressful or tedious occupation can be tolerated. The other viewpoint to this situation is time consumption. For the male whose job involves the use of his toys, there is more time for the other two necessities.
Most males with stressful or tedious occupations, have a need for separate toys and playtime. Those whose toys and playtime constitute their occupation, tend to be very impatient if any confrontation arises from their job. They also take occupational criticism very hard. If toys and playtime are separate from the job, then the toys absorb the stresses accumulated during the work day. If there is no other activity that absorbs occupational stresses, stress will then be transferred to the other two needs.
“ Social juice.” Males, (unlike females who seem to be in perpetual competition), are not natural adversaries. Like their lower primate cousins, this only happens during mating rituals. Two males may meet or be put into a co-worker situation that are from different backgrounds, ethnic origin, or just basically different. These two males will find casual communication difficult. If they are co-workers, this can make their job more difficult as well. After a few uneasy conversations, it is inevitable that they will discover they both like beer. Now it is merely a matter of time before the two will make a date to perform “The Ritual”.
The ritual may take place in a wide variety of settings. This could be an exclusive sports bar in a ritzy shopping mall, or it could be in the tailgate of dirty pickup at the edge of a parking lot. Regardless of the setting, the ritual will always be the same.
Males may have different favorite brands or types of beer, but there are enough types and brands that they will always agree on one they can share. At the beginning of the ritual, conversation will be very cursory and trite. The beer will loosen inhibitions to the point of the rituals true meaning becomes apparent.
The two, (sometimes more than two but this is rare and not very effective), will then share a few primordial thoughts and earthy graphic viewpoints constantly trying to find a common bonding point. If the common point is not found, the ritual is essentially over. It may occur again if a bonding point is discovered during casual or working conversation, but normally there is no repeat performance nor will there be any residual ill feelings toward the incomplete ritual. Their normal attitude toward an abbreviated ritual is “oh well, we tried”.
If, however, a common bonding point is achieved, the ritual may go to a physical termination point, ending in primordial grunts and guttural noises. Physical termination is defined as that point where one or both males become comatose, they are bodily tossed out of the gin mill, the sun comes up, or any combination there of.
If the two bondees find that they share common toys or other playtime interests, the ritual becomes even more meaningful for them.
After the ritual, the two now share an official common bond, a hangover. This they will talk about as long as they are aquatinted with each other, and will likely take advantage of any opportunity to renew their ritual. As painful as the original ritual may have been, they will have a natural tendency to try to “outdo” their last ritual or reports from others on their rituals.
When relating to others who have shared rituals males become “self-destructively-competitive”. Unless females become involved, the only resolution to this is a joint gang ritual, better referred to as a tribal ceremony. Occasionally these rituals become fiercely competitive. There are two inevitable outcomes from these rituals. The first is rather counterproductive, and results in cold rifts between individuals or small groups. These rifts may be financial, special interest, or even religion based. The other result is a strong bonding. Now groups of “bonded” males gather to form tribes. Occasionally these tribes share ritual stories in a sort of tribal warfare. It is extremely rare for these wars to elevate beyond the verbal stage. A typical outcome of tribal warfare is: “We partied till the sun came up”, is easily bested by: “We had a 4 day tailgate bash in Sonora and I slept on a scorpion”.
Beer is the catalyst for all this to take place. It is also a major part of the ritual itself. Beer also serves as a placebo for deficits in the other necessities.
Sex need not be elaborated on in itself. It is however looked upon in different categories. There are some males who use sex as their “toy” need. These are called lotharios. They view sex as a conquest. Lotharios will abruptly end a conversation with another male and re-direct his attention if a female enters the room. This behavior is counterproductive and causes animosity in some male bonds. There is an opposite to lotharios, however they have no official name. Most of them bond well with other males, but have some difficulty establishing a relationship with females, yet are fully heterosexual. This type often look at sex as a purchase. Finally there is the type who have found a female relationship that is tolerant of both toys and beer. This is obviously the most well rounded individual, and by all evidence seems to lead a pleasant existence. My research indicates this type may not be admitting all they really experience. Many relationships of this type seem to exist much to the disbelief of jealous observers. They often end in bitter divorce. It is obvious that people involved in this sort of a relationship are living a facade. Each does not relate his or her true feelings to the other, thus actions that one partner finds irritating about the other will be kept a secret until it festers into a bitter malignant relationship.
Males are a very flexible creatures. They adapt well to changes in their environment. Let’s face it, they have been living aboard ship for many years. (Anyone who has ever done it can tell you, it is not the most comfortable life style in the world). If a male has a change in his routine or life style, he usually accepts it and says “OK I’ll live like this then”.
Although very adaptable, males are still creatures of habit. They will rebel against changes, but will eventually accept the change. This could be something as simple as stopping by the store fore a can of canned mushrooms on the way home or having to choose a new career because their company has just downsized.
Sometimes changes or events happen not directly to them, but only to their environment. This causes one of two different reactions.
1. For the male who has not had to endure many changes and is used to having things happen the way he wants them, the normal reaction is to decide where blame for the change should be laid. This is because they tend to believe that if it is not their way then it must be incorrect.
2. For the male who is not used to having things go his way, the reaction is very different. He is not ready to dole out punishment unless a “smoking gun” is involved. Instead he wants to repair the situation and try to prevent it from happening again, or try to find a way to live with the situation as is.
Males often become frustrated with females because of their apparent lack of adaptability. As will be explained later, females tend to live by their “spreadsheet”. Any deviations from that plan are considered “wrong” by the female, but just another thing to adapt to by the male.