Does Atheism Complicate Dating, Romance and Love?

I am looking to establish a dialog about people's thoughts on discrimination or complications that Atheism has caused in your love lives, or the love lives of people around you. I have heard many stories of people who have had trouble finding that special someone and even people who have had marriages fail over this issue. In my own life, since I have "come out" as an Atheist... I have experienced a lot of let downs in my love life because of people that cannot seem to accept my lack of belief.

One particular instance was the most frustrating because the woman I was dating was an Agnostic who didn't really have a solid stance one way or another on anything spiritual/religious... but she still just couldn't accept the fact that I didn't believe in some kind of higher power. She claimed that she couldn't trust anyone who relied so heavily on logic to guide their life. She somehow felt that I was cold, overly logical and rigid simply because of the fact that I didn't believe in a higher power. The weird part is that I was constantly making her laugh and that I am in fact a very silly person. When I told my friends all of this after she broke things off with me, they were all very confused as to how she could think of me this way. This lead me to believe that it was solely some kind of preconceived notion within her mind that anyone who doesn't "believe" is somehow a bad person.

That isn't the only problem that I've had in this capcity... I've had Christians who refused outright to get involved with me because of their faith... and we all know that the majority of people out there are Christians and Muslims, both of which have strict rules on faith in this regard. I've had Pagans (two, in fact) get into arguments with me that were started by them and that lead to a falling out. It just seems to me that finding love as a non-believer is much more difficult than for the broader spectrum of people out there. It was very disheartening to see that even an Agnostic, who openly admitted that they didn't know what was "out there" would abandon a relationship based solely on this aspect of someone else's life.

So I turn the idea over to you all... do you have any similar experiences? Do you think that it is reasonable for people to be so discriminatory in selecting their partner? I'd love to hear what everyone has to say on this subject, no matter if you agree or disagree with my stance on the issue. Is there some kind of solution to this problem? Do we just not discuss our lack of belief with anyone except for our own kind? Do we only try to date our own kind? Do we continue on as we always have and just hope that some day the barriers that separate us come tumbling down? It is a very tough issue to handle...

Tags: Atheism, Christianity, Dating, Love, Religion, Romance

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Forsaken: "Do we just not discuss our lack of belief with anyone except for our own kind?"

Oh, if only they'd return the favour.

I don't have any advice for you at all. None that you'd want anyway. I can't speak from experience anyway, I've had a thick, black blasphemous streak since I learned how to talk and people I've met with a religious bent have naturally gravitated away from me before any kind of bonding relationship could develop. So I've only ever associated with the faithless and accursed.

But when a partner implies to you that you are not worth it because of your belief system, to me that tells me that they are not worth it. They want to hold you hostage, they want to dictate the terms of engagement. What you should really be considering is what other demands will they make of you in the future ? What blackmail will they use ? Aside from all this, its a massive display of lack of respect for you.

I think of it this way - this philosophy we share is a good asshole filter. It sorts problems out before they happen.

Good luck.
Living in Australia, I guess I'm lucky because most young people here are pretty secular. According to the last census, 70% of Australians are nominally christian but only 11% go to church regularly. I haven't had much luck with women in the past, but that's because I was so intimidated by them, it was nothing to do with atheism. I'm very passionate about my atheism and skepticism and so I don't think I could seriously date a believer, but I also couldn't date someone who was a fan of my football team's local rival, as I support my team and hate the local opposition team with an almost religious passion. (by the way this is an 'Australian Rules football' team, not soccer, rugby or gridiron.)
Going out with a believer would just pose too many problems because I wouldn't be able to speak freely about religion and it would be hard for her because of how ludicrous I would think her beliefs were.
I don't think that dating a believer necessarily causes problems... I did date one woman for a couple years who was religious and believed privately in her deity. We just didn't talk about it much and if we ever did, it was always very philosophical... so I don't think that it HAS to be a conflict... but more often than not, it is.
I like the idea of an asshole filter... that is a beautiful way of putting it. ;o)
Ahh,yes and I'm only 21.My second boyfriend actually dumped me because of me being atheist.He said he didn't know what I was capable of since I didn' t believe in god.(huh?)Ok I think I'm capable of just about as much as any other human out there.The only problem is...
I think I have more morality than most of the christians I've come across.lol.
In my experience, atheists behave more morally and ethically than theists hands down.

It's like the ONLY reason that theists think self control is necessary is because of religion. What a frightening thought THAT is.
Yes, they like to believe that Moses was the first person to say that "thou shall not kill," and "thou shall not steal" were brand spanking new when he came down Mt. Sinai.
It is amazing what people will sacrifice in the name of their inane superstition... *sigh*
I've had my share of fun I guess. Just recently, yesterday, I was told by "prospective girlfriend" that she couldn't talk to me anymore because it challenged her faith. hahaha hmmmm

Such intolerance is a perfect example how religion promotes discrimination among public. And they say religion is good. It is as good as used toilet paper ;-)

v1ktor
I once went to a Church with a friend of mine [to my dismay] it's a particular brand of stupidity in South Africa called AGS.

My first impression of the place was all but 'pure'. All it needed was a reception-desk and a ruddy looking pimp. Those people are promiscuous as hell! Who needs to worry about dating when all the required resources are so readily available...

I find it particularly difficult to find anybody who shares my world-view. Atheists are VERY scarce here and I just can't imagine myself getting involved with a religious moron.
I couldn't get together with someone who is a strong believer, just simply because it doesn't make sense! I am quite sure that person will be going insane by my constant asking of "whys" anyway, so the probability of it happening is probably quite small. Only another skeptic would probably be able to stand that, because I am very inquisitive by nature.

All my past relationships have been together with agnostics except once when he was an atheist. Also, I like to disucss religion and I really probe things when I start, a lot of people can find me quite exhuasting on this issue. Well, I already know whom I want to marry anyway and he is the worst sketic I have ever met. Sure, we differentiate on some questions, particularly on homosexuality. He doesn't like them much, consider them to be diseased and well, doesn't like the overall fact they must have festivals and all that and I don't mind them at all. I am slightly more liberal on that point. This does bug me a little but I can accept and learn to live with it. At one point though I do bet I can triumph with saying, nurture over nature! That will so piss him off, because he hates being wrong :) One of the reasons he takes such diffuse stances to begin with.
I could never see myself dating a theist because I need to respect the person I'm dating and anyone who believes in an interventionist anthropomorphic skywizard loses a fair chunk of my respect.

Sorry to admit this, but in university I used to seduce Christian boys to see if I could make them break whatever vows of chastity they were forlornly clinging to.

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