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Funerals

My grandmothers funeral was yesterday. It was the first family funeral I had attended since I removed myself completely from the church culture about 10 years ago. I found the service completely offensive. They didn't treat it as a celebration of her life, or even as a mourning of her death. Both ministers that spoke used her death as another opportunity to pimp Jesus. My family didn't seem to have a problem with it. They were crying and sobbing, and I was getting more and more pissed off that the ministers could be so insensitive.

I guess I'm just so removed from the culture now that I can't even imagine their frame of mind anymore. I still cannot understand how anyone would be ok with that service. I am planning on writing down my last wishes now. I do not want anything like that to happen at my funeral.

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Permalink Reply by Kevin on August 31, 2008 at 7:34pm

Um.... that does sound awesome. Having my body blown to bits by an explosive sounds like a good way to end your life... with a bang! Haha, no pun intended. :)

But unfortunately, I'd assume that they would want your organs as well. They probably want to see how your heart would survive a grenade or something like that.

I don't see the point of funerals. First of all, they're expensive and materialistic. Instead of saving those $10000 for when you croak, spend it while you can still enjoy it! Second of all, what happens at the funeral? You listen to people talk about how the deceased is now "with god" or something like that. Also, what about all that land? Can we, like, house the homeless or something? Cemeteries use a shitload of land, you know...

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Permalink Reply by Dave on September 3, 2008 at 4:18am

It's my intention that upon my death I should be rendered into biofuel, poured into a Ducati Motorcycle tank, and take my last journey. Priests should not apply to be the rider.
Mourners are encouraged to bid for the pillion ride. All proceeds donated to the RDF.

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Permalink Reply by Beth on August 25, 2008 at 7:49am

My mom died almost 9 years ago.

Lucky for me and my siblings, she was able to tell us exactly what she wanted her memorial service to be like. And we gave her that.

And it made it really easy for us.

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Permalink Reply by Skylar on August 25, 2008 at 7:08pm

My family holds wakes. They are fun. It's a big party with food, booze, music, etc. Definitely a celebration of life. I think they help. It is ameliorating to speak about the deceased person and remember them fondly.

The crazy baptist funeral that I've been to scare me and they do seem extremely insulting. No thanks.

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Permalink Reply by damian on August 25, 2008 at 9:53pm

your vocabulary is way better than mine, because this is the first time i have seen this word > "ameliorating". woo hoo, i'll have to go look it up. Ok, just looked it up >>>>>> "to make or become better, more bearable, or more satisfactory; improve; meliorate." Have i been ameliorated? heh heh . I can't wait to see anyone's face when i try to work that word into a conversation.

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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on August 26, 2008 at 1:10pm

Yup, she be SMRT.

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Permalink Reply by LeaT on August 26, 2008 at 4:10am

Yeah, I think funerals should be made into a positive experience, have a big party, good food, no need to dress up all in black... it just makes you feel more sad. Like I said, if you want to mourn, there are perfect opportunities to do that at home when no one is watching.

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Permalink Reply by damian on August 26, 2008 at 4:24pm

Or, maybe someone (the dying) can make a youtube video to be played on the bigscreen at their funeral:) Just an idea.

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Permalink Reply by Chrys Stevenson on August 27, 2008 at 3:54am

My mother and I have written into our wills that we wish to be cremated at the lowest possible cost, and that there is to be no official funeral service. The wills also state that no clergy or celebrant is to be present. We have asked only for a family gathering in our garden which is to be a celebration of our lives. It's important to make your wishes crystal clear and, if possible, have them enshrined in some official document or your religious family members will say, "Ahh, well, we don't know that they didn't repent and find Jesus as they dropped dead."

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Permalink Reply by dGolden on August 27, 2008 at 9:28pm

I've been trying to remember my wife's funeral, which was to some degree a religious service, but I can't recall much of anything about it. I'm sure I wasn't in my right mind, for obvious reasons and because I hadn't had a decent nights sleep for many months. I don't remember anything the pastor said, but a former teacher and current friend gave a remarkable eulogy. Remarkable in that it concentrated on who she was and how she contributed to the world, with no mention of magic men in the sky, alternate dimensions, or "His Plan."

I can't think of anything more dickish than to tell someone that god murdered their wife because he's got a plan, never you mind what that plan is, just trust him on this one.

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Permalink Reply by MaryAnn on September 10, 2008 at 10:30pm

I agree. For years I've been disgusted at how instead of focusing on the loss of someone's loved one funerals are used as a way of "scaring up more souls for Jesus"...blech. I've made my wishes known: none of that crap at any service for me! No preachers, no talk of any gods [except me! ;)] absolutely no hocus-pocus! How ridiculous. Anyone who knows me knows I'd prefer they have a huge party (a party such as *I* would have attended!), drink themselves silly, and talk about how fabulous I was and how they can't imagine the world continuing without me!!

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Permalink Reply by Shlarg on September 11, 2008 at 3:56am

I want to vent a little if you don't mind. I've mentioned this on another thread but I'd like to elaborate .
My mother died in June of 2007 of advanced bladder cancer at hospice about 6:04 AM. The hospice people listed her death at about 6:14 AM. (I’m no longer positive of the exact times). That’s because they weren’t there. I was. I depended upon these people to administer the needed drugs to keep her unaware and comfortable. I’m not going to go into much detail here but I fell asleep next to her. I awoke to find her dying. It wasn’t pretty. She died a horrible death. I pushed the button for help but by the time they got there they’d practically missed the whole party. In fairness to them somebody else happened to die a couple of minutes before my mother and they were busy there. If I had stayed awake I could’ve gotten the drugs to her on time. That’s something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life. It ain’t easy but I’ve no choice. I’ve never told anyone the details of her death. Probably never will.
She believed in God but also raised me to think for myself. She was no fundie by a longshot.
My brother is a fundie.
I told my whole family she died peacefully. Didn’t see the necessity in telling them the truth It’s not going to ease my pain or guilt telling them the facts of her death.
The funeral was not a celebration or an honoring of my mom’s life. It was nothing more than an info commercial for their fundamentalist religion. There were at least four preachers orating about how she’d known the glory of god who’d protected her even in her dying moments and now she was held in the bosom of jesus or some such bullshit. Her whole life and death, according to these guys, was an affirmation of the power of jesus, hallelujia!
Fortunately my doctor had given me some mild drugs to take before the funeral service. Due to this I was able to sit through the whole travesty without getting up and walking out or worse.
The drugs the doctor gave me have long since worn off. I could tell them the truth I suppose but their faith drugs will probably not wear off until they die. Why should I mess up their religious bliss. I guess in some ways I envy their obliviousness. But not much.
/shrug