My grandmothers funeral was yesterday. It was the first family funeral I had attended since I removed myself completely from the church culture about 10 years ago. I found the service completely offensive. They didn't treat it as a celebration of her life, or even as a mourning of her death. Both ministers that spoke used her death as another opportunity to pimp Jesus. My family didn't seem to have a problem with it. They were crying and sobbing, and I was getting more and more pissed off that the ministers could be so insensitive.

I guess I'm just so removed from the culture now that I can't even imagine their frame of mind anymore. I still cannot understand how anyone would be ok with that service. I am planning on writing down my last wishes now. I do not want anything like that to happen at my funeral.

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My mom died almost 9 years ago.

Lucky for me and my siblings, she was able to tell us exactly what she wanted her memorial service to be like. And we gave her that.

And it made it really easy for us.
My family holds wakes. They are fun. It's a big party with food, booze, music, etc. Definitely a celebration of life. I think they help. It is ameliorating to speak about the deceased person and remember them fondly.

The crazy baptist funeral that I've been to scare me and they do seem extremely insulting. No thanks.
your vocabulary is way better than mine, because this is the first time i have seen this word > "ameliorating". woo hoo, i'll have to go look it up. Ok, just looked it up >>>>>> "to make or become better, more bearable, or more satisfactory; improve; meliorate." Have i been ameliorated? heh heh . I can't wait to see anyone's face when i try to work that word into a conversation.
Yeah, I think funerals should be made into a positive experience, have a big party, good food, no need to dress up all in black... it just makes you feel more sad. Like I said, if you want to mourn, there are perfect opportunities to do that at home when no one is watching.
Or, maybe someone (the dying) can make a youtube video to be played on the bigscreen at their funeral:) Just an idea.
My mother and I have written into our wills that we wish to be cremated at the lowest possible cost, and that there is to be no official funeral service. The wills also state that no clergy or celebrant is to be present. We have asked only for a family gathering in our garden which is to be a celebration of our lives. It's important to make your wishes crystal clear and, if possible, have them enshrined in some official document or your religious family members will say, "Ahh, well, we don't know that they didn't repent and find Jesus as they dropped dead."
I've been trying to remember my wife's funeral, which was to some degree a religious service, but I can't recall much of anything about it. I'm sure I wasn't in my right mind, for obvious reasons and because I hadn't had a decent nights sleep for many months. I don't remember anything the pastor said, but a former teacher and current friend gave a remarkable eulogy. Remarkable in that it concentrated on who she was and how she contributed to the world, with no mention of magic men in the sky, alternate dimensions, or "His Plan."

I can't think of anything more dickish than to tell someone that god murdered their wife because he's got a plan, never you mind what that plan is, just trust him on this one.
I agree. For years I've been disgusted at how instead of focusing on the loss of someone's loved one funerals are used as a way of "scaring up more souls for Jesus"...blech. I've made my wishes known: none of that crap at any service for me! No preachers, no talk of any gods [except me! ;)] absolutely no hocus-pocus! How ridiculous. Anyone who knows me knows I'd prefer they have a huge party (a party such as *I* would have attended!), drink themselves silly, and talk about how fabulous I was and how they can't imagine the world continuing without me!!
I want to vent a little if you don't mind. I've mentioned this on another thread but I'd like to elaborate .
My mother died in June of 2007 of advanced bladder cancer at hospice about 6:04 AM. The hospice people listed her death at about 6:14 AM. (I’m no longer positive of the exact times). That’s because they weren’t there. I was. I depended upon these people to administer the needed drugs to keep her unaware and comfortable. I’m not going to go into much detail here but I fell asleep next to her. I awoke to find her dying. It wasn’t pretty. She died a horrible death. I pushed the button for help but by the time they got there they’d practically missed the whole party. In fairness to them somebody else happened to die a couple of minutes before my mother and they were busy there. If I had stayed awake I could’ve gotten the drugs to her on time. That’s something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life. It ain’t easy but I’ve no choice. I’ve never told anyone the details of her death. Probably never will.
She believed in God but also raised me to think for myself. She was no fundie by a longshot.
My brother is a fundie.
I told my whole family she died peacefully. Didn’t see the necessity in telling them the truth It’s not going to ease my pain or guilt telling them the facts of her death.
The funeral was not a celebration or an honoring of my mom’s life. It was nothing more than an info commercial for their fundamentalist religion. There were at least four preachers orating about how she’d known the glory of god who’d protected her even in her dying moments and now she was held in the bosom of jesus or some such bullshit. Her whole life and death, according to these guys, was an affirmation of the power of jesus, hallelujia!
Fortunately my doctor had given me some mild drugs to take before the funeral service. Due to this I was able to sit through the whole travesty without getting up and walking out or worse.
The drugs the doctor gave me have long since worn off. I could tell them the truth I suppose but their faith drugs will probably not wear off until they die. Why should I mess up their religious bliss. I guess in some ways I envy their obliviousness. But not much.
/shrug

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