I'm just curious as to why everyone doesn't want kids. I have a multitude of reasons myself. First off, for selfish reasons, I simply have never had any desire whatsoever. I'm 28, and I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster every day of my life that I'm not a breeder. I rarely ever meet anyone who is actually happy with their kids. Sure, in between complaints, they might say, "nah, but I really love them," but I think a lot of people had them on accident or didn't know what they were in for.

Regardless of how breeders end up feeling, I just don't like kids that much. They can be fun to hang out with sometimes if they are well parented, but I wouldn't want to take one home to stay. They take up too much time and attention and I don't find them all that interesting. I want to be able to move and travel, not having to worry about finding a babysitter, or taking them with me on vacation, or dragging them away from their friends to move to a new state. I've always enjoyed having a lot of time to myself, and if I had kids, I'd hardly have that.

From an unselfish view, I don't think I have the right to bring someone into this world. It's not my life - not my choice. This world is pretty messed up. All sorts of shit can happen: rape, assualt, murder, accidents, mental illness, other diseases, etc. If I can guarrantee someone's happiness, I don't think it's right of me to bring them into this world. Then, there's the enviornment. I don't want to make myself have an exponential carbon foot print by breeding. We already use too many of the earths resources and cause a lot of pollution. One of the best ways to help with that is to not create another human.

On a side note, I did a ten-minute speech in college for speech class on this very subject and a lot of the written comments I got back were dumb shit like "this guy is depressed; he should get help." It's pretty dumb when people think there's something wrong with you because you acknowledge the dangers of this world and are sympathetic about how that will affect future children.

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Yeah I've always wondered why anybody would want to bring kids into this messed up world. I agree that if you can't guarantee that they will be okay and happy, then you are taking a selfish risk. At least that is my view. I was once called selfish for not wanting to have kids. I was thinking to myself that they have got to be kidding me. I don't bring this up with my friends who have kids as I'm afraid they would be offended, but perhaps they should be.
this may sound silly, maybe it may not.

Anyway, from day one I did not want children.

Yes, I was almost pulled into it by society's brainwashing, "Oh, Jencarlene! Think of a little one in your arms! Think of the joy the love---what kind of person are you? You are defying God's laws!"

And, yes sometimes I was curious.

But the clincher finally hit when i was in high school. I was taking a child development class and we had to do the "egg thing", where we carried eggs around for a week, watched over them, pretended they were babies.

It was cute and fun for a while, but I knew it was just a test and my aunt caught me burying "him" in the backyard. I would not do that to a real baby! But it shows how much tolerance I had for motherhood. I wanted my freedom, and yes, I was afraid I would abuse it, even. Not to mention, I was the only girl in that class that mentioned child abuse, let alone did a term paper on it, which btw I got an A+.

I am 43 and now the big guilt trip is, "Jencarlene, why don't you have kids by now? Why aren't you even *married* now?"

ty,

Jencarlene
Also, one more th ing, actually two.

when I was seeing a 7 day adventist doctor, he refused to prescribe birth control pills, and while I was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown in 2004, the pharmacist and nurse, who were also 7 day adventist, refused to fill my ongoing pill prescription.

When I was 18, my aunt had assured me I could get my tubes tied. I went to a feminist clinic and even they refused to refer me to get it done cause I was "too young to decide; wait till you are 25." Like they couldnt' trust me to have decided from when I was *5*!

Jencarlene
At least they will do it when your 25 now. Back in the 70's my mother wanted to have her tubes tied after having me (her third) and they would not do it unless she was over 35 and had at least 5 kids.

I have never been refused birth control though, I thought it did not happen in Canada until a friend told me when she lived in Calgary went to a clinic and was refused Birth control as she was single. She was 29 years old for fuck sake.

I think I may be a little bit different from a lot of the people on this board although I certainly respect everyone's opinions. I wish I was one of you who "just knew" from an early age that kids weren't for you. I grew up dreaming about the day I would have children, especially after I met my husband. We dated for 7 years before getting married and have been married for five. ALL THIS TIME, my whole life, I have been fantasizing about opening presents with my own kids on Christmas Eve and watching their faces light up when they see what Santa brought on Christmas Day. I'm not religious but these kinds of joyful moments really do feel spiritual to me.

It's been made very clear to me by my own feelings and behavior both today and last Christmas that I would not be a good mother. Not on Christmas, and probably not on any other day of the year. My level of anxiety, emotional instability, and irritability were terribly high. I finally had to let off steam by having a tearful tantrum. What 35 year old adult does that? Only one that has issues and should probably not be in charge of making sure someone else's Christmas is magical. If I can't make the day at least nice for myself and my husband and grown adults in my family, I certainly can't make it bearable for a small child.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else is in my boat, the S.S. "Loves kids but is too screwed up" boat ;) I feel like I'm making the only decision that can reasonably be made under the circumstances and I'll do everything I can to prevent pregnancy (which is not hard, I'm not a fertile myrtle.) But I wonder, if I ended up accidentally pregnant, would I be able to stick by this decision? Would my fantasies of a merry little christmas with my baby be too strong to ignore?

So, sunshine, I have the problem of people saying those things to me about holidays and ideallic family life and my answers are even less satisfying to them. I say "yes, I do want all that BUT..." and they of course still don't understand. Most people can't even imagine a good reason to not have a child, especially if they know me as someone who loves children, loves playing with them, teaching them, being around them...etc. They can't see any reason on earth why I should not be a mom! Sometimes I forget why too...

Then I have a day like today, when my demons get the better of me and I go, oh yeah, that's why...

anyway, not to be a downer. Just wanted to throw that out there. I'd love to hear from others with this same situation.

Happy Holidays,

Allison

People keep saying they don't want to have kids because they are "too selfish". I think this bears a little exploration, because it is arguable that the ones who do have kids, are the selfish ones. Their progeny will use incredible amounts of resources. For example, how many diapers does one kid use? Some googling gives me a cloth diaper site that says 7349 on average. So the next time you're in a supermarket, look at a diaper package and figure out how many packages that would represent -- probably looks like a semi-trailer full. Of course, cloth diapers will use hot water (fossil fuels), bleach (dioxin byproducts, e.g., Love Canal). And this is just one area. That kid is going to go to school, buy cars, eat food, etc.

So who is selfish? The people who lead a more personally comfortable existence by not producing yet another child, or the people who are blindly contributing to the exponential growth of world population?

The fact of the matter is, those who have refrained from contributing to the population problem all deserve to give themselves some kudos for being so altruistic. You are not selfish people, you are the caring ones. So treat yourself to something you deserve out of the money you did not spend on diapers. You deserve a small reward like that because aside from the environmental costs, you're going to be paying for all those kids via taxes.
oops --dupe

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