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Why don't you want kids? What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm just curious as to why everyone doesn't want kids. I have a multitude of reasons myself. First off, for selfish reasons, I simply have never had any desire whatsoever. I'm 28, and I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster every day of my life that I'm not a breeder. I rarely ever meet anyone who is actually happy with their kids. Sure, in between complaints, they might say, "nah, but I really love them," but I think a lot of people had them on accident or didn't know what they were in for.

Regardless of how breeders end up feeling, I just don't like kids that much. They can be fun to hang out with sometimes if they are well parented, but I wouldn't want to take one home to stay. They take up too much time and attention and I don't find them all that interesting. I want to be able to move and travel, not having to worry about finding a babysitter, or taking them with me on vacation, or dragging them away from their friends to move to a new state. I've always enjoyed having a lot of time to myself, and if I had kids, I'd hardly have that.

From an unselfish view, I don't think I have the right to bring someone into this world. It's not my life - not my choice. This world is pretty messed up. All sorts of shit can happen: rape, assualt, murder, accidents, mental illness, other diseases, etc. If I can guarrantee someone's happiness, I don't think it's right of me to bring them into this world. Then, there's the enviornment. I don't want to make myself have an exponential carbon foot print by breeding. We already use too many of the earths resources and cause a lot of pollution. One of the best ways to help with that is to not create another human.

On a side note, I did a ten-minute speech in college for speech class on this very subject and a lot of the written comments I got back were dumb shit like "this guy is depressed; he should get help." It's pretty dumb when people think there's something wrong with you because you acknowledge the dangers of this world and are sympathetic about how that will affect future children.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Clarice on September 28, 2008 at 9:24pm

I have never had a maternal instinct, and cringe whenever children are around. My mother laments that I never even played with baby dolls when I was little ;) Seriously, they are these little alien beings to me that I have no desire for whatsoever. It kills me that people have the audacity to call us wilfully childless people selfish, and yet there are parents out there who have NO right breeeding, and couldn't give a damn about their kids. So who is really the selfish one? It's not like we have to worry about populating the planet. Having children when you don't want them is not just selfish, it's plain stupid (accidents notwithstanding).

Permalink Reply by Oz Atheist on October 5, 2008 at 10:17pm

One other advantage of not having children, which I have recently found out from personal experience is:
When your wife runs off with another man who is also married and neither of the couples have children, at least you don't have to worry about custody and child support.

Permalink Reply by Daley on November 6, 2008 at 6:18am

I am very thankful that my partner's butt babies don't live.
I have never liked children. I didn't like children when I was a child.
I always wanted to be with the adults.

Children carry germs and diseases from other Petri dish children and I AM NEVER SICK.
I thank veggies and childlessness.

I can deal with pictures of kids, but I stay away from them.
I don't like having to watch myself around them or make sure they aren't doing something stupid that will kill them. It's too much work and no reward in my eyes.

I love dogs!
Dogs are fine.
Let's just all have dogs.
Cats too.

Permalink Reply by Roach on December 18, 2008 at 3:04pm

I love my freedom to much to have children. I must have been born without a biological clock because I never ever had the desire for kids or the lifestyle of a mom. Actually my worst nightmare would be to be trapped in a minivan with screaming kids everyday going to school, PTA, sports event and practices, plays, birthday parties, and the worst...traveling with them.
I love to sleep in, drink whenver I want, and watch adult shows.
I have a cat and a dog that I love and consider my babies and that is enough responsibility for me.
Preserving our environment is important and I don't see any reason to bring another person into this world. There are plenty of people already and so many children unwanted or in foster care.

Permalink Reply by Whalehugger on January 7, 2009 at 3:33pm

Basically I don't want kids simply because I don't like them. Simple as that. I've never been friendly around children despite how much my inlaws try to get me to like being around the niece and nephews.

Another reason is that I like my creature comforts. I like a quiet household and I definitely don't want my MIL coming over to tell me how I should be raising her grands like she does with my hubby's sisters. There's also the thing of cost. Kids are expensive, especially if you want to raise them right. Because we weren't like my inlaws or some of my friends and co-workers, we paid off our house in record time and have enough to buy a car with cash. Raising a family tends to go the other direction.

Also with my luck, my kid would end up being a Baptist minister :)

Permalink Reply by Sean T. on January 20, 2009 at 6:19pm

I'm not against having kids. I just don't have any yet.

Permalink Reply by Clarence Dember on January 22, 2009 at 3:45pm

Hi everyone, great topic!
My back round:
What I've come up with is that I wasn't initially against breeding because I came from a family of 5 sisters, one foster sister and had both of my parents who were present to raise us every day. May be we were left with the grand parents 5 times out of the total lives we've had. My father worked to bring the money home so that my mom could do the shopping and they paid all of the bills so we could have a roof over our heads which my dad built with his own 2 hands. My sisters are all "happily" married with children who are nearly grown and that's where the similarities between them and me part ways. My mom is a religious Roman Catholic. My dad is Roman Catholic but no longer attends church.
I have never wanted children- since I endured 12 years of Parochial education at the hands of Dominican Priests and Nuns. The products their institution was turning out weren't people I could contemplate starting a family with. I'm not like my father because I was raised by educators who hit their students and abused alcohol. My ACOA issues and norms came from the drunk Roman Catholics who educated me, NOT my parents. My sisters were yanked out of private school early on and consequently have a more "personal spirituality" (which was not diminished by a secular education). I am the eldest & the Atheist of our clan. I seem to be the only one, and I owe it all to how I was treated as a child by Parochial school "religious authorities". Their harsh treatment of students under their charge stimulated me to question assumptions NONE in my family ever questioned to this day. My education was supposed to be a special package that I could be afforded which would help me grow up "right".
Well, for me at least "right" was wrong and I grew up resentful and I personally loathe and detest the way children are lied to under the pretense of educating them.
Luckily rather than spend my entire adult life fighting the "norms" in society- I found If I remained childless, I don't have to have warped societal standard bearers undermining the training I would pay for to educate a child.
So, I do art (mostly music) instead.
Cla

Permalink Reply by Mare on February 1, 2009 at 8:45am

I agree 100%

Permalink Reply by Moonbeam on February 4, 2009 at 7:15pm

Yup, same reasons as everybody else. Glad every day that I don't.

In the book "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert, one of his points is that "people generally err in imagining what will make them happy". This includes having kids. He finds that the more kids a person has, the more unhappy they are, starting with the very first one.

Permalink Reply by B-Girl on February 22, 2009 at 7:50pm

My reason for not wanting biological children:

1. I have a genetic disease that:
a) could be made worse by pregnancy
b) there would be a 50/50 chance of my child also having the condition, and they could be far worse off than I am. My condition is mild, I only have a small amount of the cosmetic symptoms. I do not have the organ or intelligence issues that can come with the disease.

The disease can be tested for by amnio, and possibly in embryos before implantation, so were I willing to live with a possible worsening of my condition, have an abortion if the amnio were to test positive, and/or have an embryo created, tested and implanted in someone else, I technically could have a child of my own, but I think doing all that is absurd. I do not believe it is good to use medical science to create babies. I do think it is okay to use testing during pregnancy to determine if a child will be healthy and it is okay to terminate the pregnancy if the child is going to have a low quality of life (up to the family and the doctor to make the decision on what a low quality of life is, but the parents should be prepared to answer when/if the kid asks, "Why did you have me if you knew I would be born this way?").

2. There are many other genetic diseases that run in my family, not all of which could be tested for prior to birth nor the parents be tested to see if they are carriers.

3. The world is not a great place to bring a child into already. Many of the resources are finite. I think it would be better for future generations if the population of the planet were to decrease somewhat, I certainly do not want to increase it.

The additional reasons that make it also unlikely that I will ever adopt children either:

1. I am 33 years old and not in the financial position to raise children. I cannot even afford a small apartment of my own, let alone a place that I feel would be appropriate to raise children and all the other stuff kids need.

2. I am not in the life position to raise children the way I would want them raised. I am single and not even close to getting married. I would want to be married several years before starting to raise children. I am of the belief that children should be raised primarily by the parents, meaning one parent or the other should stay home with the kids at least until they are in school full-time and old enough to take care of themselves after school. I would really want to home-school my children until high school age and once they reach high school age enroll them in whatever independent program I could find that would meet their needs (I am lacking in high school math and science as the standards and technology have increased greatly since I graduated).

3. Given the above, by the time I was in the financial and life position to raise children the way I would want, I would probably be at least 40 by the time I got around to applying to adopt and I don't really want to be raising teenagers when I am in my 50's.

4. My lifestyle is not conducive to having a dog, never mind being the parent of a young child. I spend much of my time running off to do things with my friends or participate in the activities of my hobby. I want to enjoy MY life, and as it stands now children between "babes in arms" age and about 8-10 years old would not fit very well. You can't take toddlers to non-child-friendly homes and older kids can be annoying to others when they get bored. Families with children do participate in my hobby, but generally during the time between toddlerhood and the late pre-teen years, one parent or the other has to be with the children at all times, limiting what they can do at our gatherings.

5. A majority of my friends are beyond their child bearing years and either their kids are at least teenagers or they did not have children. (Bear with me, much of this is somewhat related to the lifestyle reason above as well.) This would leave me missing out on doing things that I cannot bring a child to or being the annoying person whose child is being a brat or slowing us down. Often I will go to a friend's house to do something (usually related to our shared hobby) and will be there all day. The kid would get bored without other kids or a whole bunch of toys to keep them occupied. I have one friend that brings her child to these days sometimes, but he is now 13 and will sit in a corner with his I-Pod, some gaming thing or a book and we won't hear from him until it is time to eat or choose a new movie to put on in the background.

6. I like to be spontaneous. This includes deciding at the last minute to go to the movies, a bar, dinner with friends or whatever. Kinda hard to find a babysitter when you need to leave the house in 10 minutes, especially if you are going to a midnight movie or are heading to the bar at 10:00.

7. I'm lazy. Taking care of kids is a lot of work. More laundry, more dishes, more stuff to pick-up, need to make sure the kids get decent meals. Plus with my hobby I would have to make clothes for my kids to participate and pack stuff for them as well when going to events.

8. I'm not the nurturing type. Kids are needy. I don't deal well with needy people.

9. I don't handle dealing with icky bodily functions stuff very well. Babies are little poop and puke factories. Sure most people deal with it better when it is their own kid, but still... the idea of trying to take care of a 3 year old with the stomach bug if I have it myself... *shudder*

10. I don't really relate well to kids. I didn't all that well when I was one myself. There is way too much pointless movement and noise in childhood that I just don't understand. I am random enough myself, add my random friends to that (I swear we all have ADD, I don't remember the last time I had a conversation that stayed on topic for more than 10 minutes when it wasn't about making plans that we had to figure out "right now"), I think having my 4 year old walk up to me and tell me a 5 minute story about their imaginary friend the purple squirrel that eats only deviled eggs would make my head fall off. I have a hard enough time when an acquaintance's child walks up to me and excitedly tells me they got a new bike for their birthday.

11. Babies bore me. I can spend all of about 5 minutes making faces at a baby to make it laugh/smile and then I am done, could go another 6 months without even seeing a baby and not even notice.

I probably could list several more, but I bet a lot of people have already stopped reading my reply and it all pretty much would be related to the lifestyle, laziness and not relating well to kids stuff.

Permalink Reply by ObscureAtheist on February 28, 2009 at 1:11am