Family Matters

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Permalink Reply by J. Michael Paskaruk on July 17, 2008 at 8:34pm

I was raised by my grandma, an old-school Communist/Atheist/Feminist. My childhood wasn't exactly fun, and I'd describe myself as being more on the libertarian side of things, but I revel in my background at every opportunity. She's still around, and still shakes her fist every time she passes a church. Which is to say, she's awesome.

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Permalink Reply by dGolden on July 17, 2008 at 9:23pm

I have never mentioned being atheist to my family simply because the subject has never come up. I doubt it would faze them; they are conservative in many ways but at heart all they want for me is to be a good person and to do what makes me happy. They're both pretty active in their church, but I strongly suspect that it has much more to do with socializing than worshiping. I remember many childhood conversations about church, but none about god.

My wife was (initially) much more uncomfortable about my lack of faith, and we had many strained conversations about religion. She was nearly always a very open minded individual, but desperately needed to believe in some sort of afterlife; she'd stared Death in the face frequently since birth and was now looking at terminal cancer. Before we got married, her pastor had us meet with him a few times for marriage counseling (I guess). I played along because my wife wanted it, and he didn't seem to mind that I don't believe.

He asked if we talked much about her terminal diagnosis, and I told him that we'd discussed occasionally. However, lately all anyone ever talked to my wife about was how dead she was going to be soon, and it seemed to me like she was getting sick of it. It was my opinion that she was going to stick around for awhile yet, and unless she said otherwise I was going to let her do a little living while she was with me. The expression on his face was like I'd slapped him then given him a million dollars.

My wife's expression was too beautiful to describe, and after that I don't recall her dwelling much on the hereafter.

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Permalink Reply by Goldfishflakes on July 17, 2008 at 9:34pm

My brother accidentally found out. My parents...I think they are confused about what I am. lol I think in their eyes I simply stopped going to church and am "backslidden"...but I have made comments many times about my not "believing the same things anymore". So, I figure that eventually they will put all of the puzzle pieces together and will have a "oh sh*t moment".

My dad is a preacher and they LOVE their religion...and being religious.

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Permalink Reply by Dawn K on July 18, 2008 at 6:16am

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who hasn't told their family for the reason that it hasn't come up. Fortunately religion isn't a big deal in my family. My mother is the only one in the family that regularly goes to church and she is fairly liberal. One sister tends toward being a pagan and the other I'm sure believes but doesn't make a regular habit of church. My dad I have no idea other than that he doesn't go to church. On my husbands side there is just his mom and she is a church going Buddhist and I'm sure couldn't care less about our beliefs. We don't see any of the family unfortunately because we've moved around a couple times and are too far to visit regularly. I imagine if we were closer and saw more of each other the subject might have come up in conversation. But so far, no.

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Permalink Reply by Monsieur_Aronnax on July 18, 2008 at 10:27am

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family. When I was 18 I began to question my beliefs and more specifically the fundamentalist way of doing things. At that time I informed my parents that I was seriously doubting Christianity and told them that I would no longer be attending church. I wasn't quite an atheist at that point but was certainly getting there.

I was told by my parents that in order to live in their house I had to be a Christian (and not just any Christian; I had to be fundamentalist). I wasn't about to be forced to attend church so I was told leave.

Isn't god's love wonderful and forgiving!

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Permalink Reply by Chip on July 19, 2008 at 8:18am

My mom is agnostic and my dad was a Catholic. I went to CCD, and attended the ol', "Cracker Barrel" every Sunday (incidentally, he was the most religious of my immediate family, and died of cancer, so while I can't say I'm a "7" on the atheist scale, I'm absolutely sure the Catholics are wrong...Either that or God's a real a-hole). Anyways, my father's side of the family I liken to NPR, and my mother's side, NASCAR. When I, "came out" to my dad's side, they saw it as something they didn't agree with personally, but applauded my independent decision and rational thinking. My mother's side thinks I'm the devil (she avoids telling any of them that she's agnostic, and besides, is a pretty "spiritual agnostic"). But I dislike a good number of relatives on her side, anyways. These days, nobody in my family really cares what I believe, and the subject rarely comes up.

I guess I'm pretty lucky.

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Permalink Reply by bamackc on July 20, 2008 at 4:36pm

i was raised southern baptist

dont think iv ever talked to my parents about it

hmmmm, i dont know

666 \m/

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Permalink Reply by Alina on July 20, 2008 at 7:37pm

My family are all fairly hardcore Christians, and none of them have any idea that I'm not. I'm sort of planning on waiting until I'm out of the house before letting them know, simply so I don't have to deal with any of the drama that will inevitably come with outing myself. Sadly, my parents aren't generally very understanding.

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Permalink Reply by Curtis on August 4, 2008 at 10:22pm

My father is a Methodist, my mother a Catholic. My parents dragged me to church almost every Sunday until we had been living in Texas a few years. I never believed any of the stuff I heard at church and found it an utter waste of a morning. So I began to argue with my dad about going, things got to the point that I physically faught my dad not to go. Things easied up after the few fights, largely because my sister also refused to go (she's a deist), and my mom and her were going through medical problems and didn't have the energy to go.

I didn't really know that I was an atheist until I was about 18, but by then my dad decided he didn't want to deal with us any more; moved out and divorced my mom. I've never told him, nor will I, but I get a feeling some times that he might know; I'm to reason, logic, fact, and science based for him I guess.

I have mentioned that I'm an atheist to my mom a few times but she has always blown off my statements with, "no your not..."

Haven't mentioned my atheism to anyone else, except y'all.

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Permalink Reply by Anath on August 5, 2008 at 9:12pm

While religious conversations have occasionally came up with my mom, I've never outright dropped the "A" word, or anything like it. She knows I'm not much of a believer, and don't believe in the Judeo-Christian God or Satan, or the concept of evil, but she's completely confused at what my philosophy entails and how I can operate spiritually outside religion. I told her I was "still somewhat spiritual" and that seemed to give her comfort for some reason? I postulated to her a more scientific-Spinozan outline for a god last time, and while she grappled with the concept, she didn't reject my ideas, just thinks I'm going through the "doubting we all go through" and that "she had in college". To which I nearly replied, "No, I'm not. If you had gone through this, read what I read, study and have the revelations I have had, you would not be Christian right now." Fortunately I held my tongue.

Now though, she allows me not to attend church or pray before meals, and simply acknowledges that we don't agree. I'm not going to bring it up again, the conversation never really "finished" last time, just kind of switched into how I shouldn't tell my grandparents or have a religious discussion with one of her friends that I never see... I don't want the conversation to reach its inevitable conclusion just yet, I have to survive in this house this summer.

My dad though... probably knows. We bash Intelligent Design and fundies together, critique ontological arguments, and he was probably more repulsed by Jesus Camp than I was, and already hates Expelled even though he hasn't seen it yet. :P
But for whatever reason he still supports going to church and belief as long as its "informed", which he believes his is. I think the outright knowledge that I have rejected his religion to the core would hurt him more than my mom, in a way...

My brother has been completely surprised with any hint of my irreligiousness... and shaken more than either of my parents. I think he wants to leave, be as bold as me, but is too afraid to even take the first step and begin questioning.

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Permalink Reply by John on November 22, 2008 at 10:25pm

I think its quite funny I starting coming out Atheist as soon as my dad was being born again...He knows he can't change what I think and my mom is kind of indifferent? raised religious but like, lazy style...no church or anything just went to catholic school, so it wasn't very hard.

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Permalink Reply by Joshua on November 24, 2008 at 2:30pm

I can't remember the first time I described myself with the A-word to my parents, but I have openly criticized religion and expressed disbelief in Christian doctrines for as long as I've been an atheist (about 10 years now, since I was 17).

The only time I've ever seen my father in church was on Christmas Eve, but even that stopped some 10-15 years ago. My mother still goes to church from time to time, but says she actually doesn't care for the new minister. She teaches at a Christian school and believes in Christ, but I've never heard her preach about it and she never gets upset when I make fun of Christianity. In fact, just the other night I told her Jesus' crucifixion amounted to God desiring human sacrifice, much the same as the Aztecs enjoyed it, and while she didn't really respond, she certainly didn't show signs of offense. She's a pretty reasonable woman and my atheism doesn't really seem to bother her. She'd be more upset if I disavowed my love of college football.

My father and I openly debate religion, and both feel it is stupid. However, he holds some kind of God belief that I can't quite pin down. Nevertheless, it doesn't inform his world in the slightest.

I suppose I'm fortunate.

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