Family Matters

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Permalink Reply by Sarah on July 14, 2008 at 12:00am

Since my family isn't very actively religious, I'd just be openly skeptical if it ever came up over the last 11 years or so. For some reason it came up a couple of months ago with my mom and she said "You aren't an atheist are you?" I said, "Well I don't believe in god so whatever you want to call that!" She's skeptical herself but too scared to just give it up. I'm not sure about my dad, he never talks about it. My sister knows but she doesn't care. I don't think we've ever told my in-laws but we don't hide it either. I don't worry about my immediate family but I have some cousins that would probably love to preach to me. We'll see how that goes at Thanksgiving (a holiday that seems pointless to me.)

It might be worth mentioning that though we live in GA now, my family is from OH and my husband's mom is Canadian and dad a Georgian, but even he isn't religious. Oh and my sister-in-law doesn't believe in god either. I wouldn't consider my family to be secular but they aren't southern baptists either.

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Permalink Reply by Eli on July 14, 2008 at 12:19am

Well I wasn't raised religious, and I thought my mom knew I was atheistic, but this past week I was talking to her and she was taken aback a bit by it. I let it drop for now. She's not a very religious person, not sure what she really believes.

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Permalink Reply by Geoffrey on July 14, 2008 at 1:08am

My family thinks they are "religious" even though they don't do anything religious at all. It's kind of sad because when they realized I wasn't religious they took it more upon themselves to try to change that and make sure that my sister believed it "God" too. They went to church a couple of times and every time they would say "You are going with us whether you like it or not." I'm not a very disobedient kid so I think they were a little shocked when I said I wasn't willing to go with them whether they liked it or not. They couldn't ground me for not believing in "God" and they knew that. Overall for any person who hasn't really broken it to their parents, I don't think you have to unless it simply comes up. Over time they'll start to realize it on their own and when they ask you can simply tell them how you feel, if they don't respect that it's their problem. Just be sure you don't get intimidated by them, because it's not worth pretending to believe in it just to make them happy.

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Permalink Reply by Mike on July 14, 2008 at 4:35am

My dad actually outed me on a conference call from school. He is the only one in my immediate family that even tries to be religious. After that really awkward call was over though, my brother called me back and told me that he doesn't believe in god either and said that Dad tried the same things with him that he did with me.

I didn't have a problem with my friends knowing. They tease me about being Atheist and I tease them for believing whatever they believe and we get along just fine. I don't take it upon myself to "convert" them and they return the favor.
But I have had several people come up to me since I came out asking questions, but that has mostly been people who are "searching" and wanted my two cents.

The only people I've ever not been forthcoming about it with were the people at the church I worked at, for obvious reasons, and my grandparents, who I know would care adamantly and I would just feel horrible to piss off so greatly.

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Permalink Reply by vjack on July 14, 2008 at 6:19am

The two responses that stuck with me were "Oh, you're not really an atheist. You're just going through a phase" and "Don't tell your grandmother. It would kill her."

Until a couple years ago, my family convinced themselves that I was simply someone who didn't care for church and was bothered by all the hypocrisy in religion. Now my parents don't mess with church either, read The End of Faith, and don't criticize me that much anymore. They still consider themselves Christian, but I think it is more about tradition and how they were raised than what they really believe.

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Permalink Reply by James Howell on July 14, 2008 at 11:47am

I've never dropped the bomb, nor do I plan to. Instead, I'll interject a tactful question when the context just happens to permit for which I don't expect or prod for an answer, but rather hope will simply cause them to think.

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Permalink Reply by Alethias on July 14, 2008 at 1:05pm

It wasn't very well received by most family and friends. I never told my parents. My mom died in 2000, and I hadn't yet de-converted. My dad died in 2005; he had senile dementia, and it would have devastated him, over and over and over, and I would have had to tell him over and over and over. I chose not to go through that mess.

I've told a couple of my sisters, and my wife and kids, and our pastor at the time, which was very trying and painful. I've had lots of long, painful heartwrenching conversations with old friends; some of them are still my friends, and some of them not as a result.

I'm open and honest about my lack of belief in any gods, but at the same time don't bring it up if the subject doesn't come up. It hasn't seemed to hurt my job prospects, even in the ultra-religious-right city of Colorado Springs, CO that I call home.

Interesting Topic. thanks for bringing it up!

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Permalink Reply by Rosa on July 14, 2008 at 7:43pm

Surprisingly, my parents have taken it quite well; I think I'm turning my dad into an atheist too lol There are other members of my family who are devoutly religious and I have taken my parents' advice of just bitting my tongue whenever the subject comes up. The society I live in is, after all, one of the catholic church's strongholds.

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Permalink Reply by LeaT on July 15, 2008 at 1:27pm

guess once again I am happy to live in a secular country where it doesn't really matter to what you believe. Tbh, I think people would be more shocked when I told them I am pagan (for some reason the word pagan always make people think of hippies and New Age. WRONG!) than if I said I were an atheist. We have actually never discussed faith in my family. I know my bro is atheist, because he thinks it makes sense, I think my stepma is agnostic and same for my dad.

But tbh, I dunno. For us Swedes religion is not a very huge part of life. We celebrate some typical Christian holidays like Christmas and Easter and that's all about it. It's a little funny because my dad pays tax money to fund the cultural preserverance of our church but it's my stepma who visits it from time to time. She doesn't pay and isn't a member.

Well, if anything I would believe my parents think I am agnostic or similar. I don't think they know I am a pagan. Neither do I see a big thing about it, I believe in what I believe in. I know they will respect whatever I will believe in.

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Permalink Reply by Jesse on July 16, 2008 at 2:13am

Telling my parents that I was an atheist was quite difficult for me. By the time I let them know, I had been one for at least a year, and probably in some transitional agnostic period for a couple of years before that. One Sunday, I finally told my family that I was an atheist and would not be going to church with them anymore. They took it pretty well, and basically haven't bothered me about it since. Currently my extended family is not aware of my non-Christianity, but I have no plans to hide the fact if the topic comes up. Which, doubtless, it someday will. I have to say though, the day I "came out" to my immediate family and the days following were some of the most stressful of my life.

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Permalink Reply by Nicole on July 17, 2008 at 8:10pm

When I was 12 or 13 I told my parents I didn't believe in God. It wasn't quite true at the time, but I had made the decision that I could no longer accept Christianity. They freaked out, my mom cried, blamed me for upsetting her. My dad blamed it on Harry Potter and said he'd pray for me, make me go to church, etc. I told him not to bother and locked myself in my room. Now (5-6 years later) we haven't been to church in years, and although I think my dad is still a conservative Christian, I'm not too sure about my mom. She reads a lot of that Sylvia Browne crap, which doesn't seem too compatible with what the Bible says about divination. We don't really talk about it because it makes them both uncomfortable.

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Permalink Reply by Riaz Ahmed Shah on July 17, 2008 at 8:11pm

I come form an orthodox Muslim family .I struggled with theism/atheism during my early teens ,becoming an agnostic atheist when i was 17 or so.Over the past 10 years i was apprehensive about coming out to my parents ,whose entire world revolves around the existence of a supernatural personal deity.I was worried how they would react and not to mention being an apostate in Islam is met with hostility. But i finally decided it was better not to live a lie ,and i came out to my parents. Though i was met with an initial shock ,they have more or less accepted me .They probably think I'm going through a phase i guess. I rarely confront them regarding religious practices but i am expected to put on a show if relatives are involved .So we have arrived at a compromise , i won't disclose my atheism to my extended family....yet.
Luckily i am not alone ,both my nephews (18-19 years of age) have embraced the philosophy of atheism ,but have not come out yet to their parents though.

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