The standards that I usually run afoul of are: (in order of frequency)
1) I'm not good-looking enough.
2) I'm not tall enough.
3) I want to have children. (And she doesn't.)
4) I'm not a member of the right political party.
5) I don't like the right sports.
6) I don't live in the right town.
7) I'm not rich enough.
8) I want to get married eventually. (And she doesn't.)
9) I'm not of the right religion.
10) I'm not of the right race.
11) I'm divorced. (Many women won't date divorced men, even if she's divorced herself.)
12) I don't eat the right foods.
13) I don't have the right job.
Managing to successfully navigate all the possible requirements is extremely difficult. Consequently I rarely make it through without getting caught on one or more of her standards.
I would agree. And I've never gotten a rational explanation for it. But it nonetheless seems to be true. A certain proportion of women simply will NOT date divorced guys. Under any circumstances. The phrase I've heard them use is that divorced men are "damaged goods". And I've asked, "How can you say that when you're divorced yourself?" The only answer I've ever gotten was "Oh, it's different for women."
It's not a religious thing, either; this has occurred with women who were non-theist.
So, yes, it's seriously messed up. And yet I've run into it several times. (shrug) Your guess is as good as mine.
Ah, but if you are already divorced then you are free for the taking: no one to steal from. ;-)
I think it has something to do with the idea that the man is always at fault in a divorce. Therefore, divorced men are undesirable.
I went out with one girl about four or five times before she thought to ask if I had ever been married before. I told her that I had, briefly, but it was over and done with, over 10 years ago, with no kids, and no other baggage.
You should have seen her. Her face fell like she had just discovered that she was dating a serial killer. She literally started crying, right there in the restaurant. I'll never forget, she said, "But you seemed so nice!" She finally just got up and walked out, wouldn't talk to me again.
Hmmmmmm, sounds similar to the current unemployment problem. I've seen dozens of news stories about companies who flat-out post on job listings that anyone who's been unemployed for more than 90 days doesn't have to bother applying.
Wow, that one girl is pretty fucked up. What the hell?
And I bet you didn't do a very good job of getting her turned back around. In the same situation, I think my mind would just lock up and give me nothing. That's such a bizarre logical jump, to think that anyone who has been divorced is a monster. Where would you even begin to address the misconception?
Exactly. Kind of a circular argument. Fortunately it's not universal, maybe 1 out of 10, I'd guess. But I have had others suddenly stop talking to me as soon as I mentioned that I was divorced years before. So it's a reasonably common prejudice.
On the other hand, it's no more weird than refusing to date someone because they don't live in the "right" town. Or have the "right" job, or like the "right" sports. It's amazing how little tolerance people have over trivial things.
I had no luck at all in changing her mind, I was completely flabbergasted and really couldn't think if anything to say beyond "What's the problem?" Not that I had much opportunity; she walked out just a few minutes later. She just seemed to think that all divorced men were irretrievably damaged, and was bitter about having apparently gotten her hopes up only to find out that I was one of "those".
As to other criteria, I've also met women who refused to date anyone who didn't like football. Or baseball. Or hockey. Another very common specification is that you have to be in some "uniformed" profession. Police, firefighter, prison guard, military. Current military guys, to be specific; I was in the army, but it was years ago; apparently there' a cut-off date.
Others insist that you had to go to a specific college, or set of them. It's not uncommon to get screened out because your college wasn't an Ivy-league school.
And then there's the women who will only date doctors. I have a friend who tells everyone he meets that he's a building contractor because he's tired of the women who only like him for the fact that he has an M.D. Some lawyers have the same problem.
And then there are the ones that insist that you have to live in a specific place. For instance, at one point I was three blocks outside the city limit, but my address still included that city; after all, it was the nearest metro area. But quite a few women I've talked to insist that they will only date guys who actually live INSIDE the city limits. What the hell difference can that possibly make?
Most other criteria are the same way. So what if you are one inch shorter than her stated minimum? Why is that important? You're still six inches taller than she is, why isn't that good enough?
I've simply concluded that many (if not most) people are crazy.
My name is Robert Affinis; a new guy on the block. I have just joined Atheist Nexus two days ago and I have to say: I love the setup of communication here along with the various groups for membership.
As for a brief synopsis of me; first and foremost, I am an atheist. Although I do not degrade the beliefs of others, I exemplify the folly of theistic conceptualization. I have been a Christian before, walked and conversed with bishops and you know what; it's real ugly behind closed doors. Most of them do not really believe themselves; however, the collection plate is little much to pass up; if you catch my drift. I call these individuals who incur these theistic facades as Constantinian Christians (Emperor Constantine was never a Christian in his lifetime; however, purported this belief to sustain his kingdom from civil war; he remained a high priest of the Sol Invictus cult until death).
I am a single male and a proud father of two gorgeous girls. Currently, I am majoring in Industrial psychology and started an apparel line for freethinkers entitled AFFINIS.
I currently reside in Phoenix, AZ where I defend the right to separate from all forms of religiosity.
I always say think; it's not illegal yet! Thanks for having me.