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From Believer to Thinker

Is there anybody out there who WAS a true believer and is now an atheist? If so, I'd love to hear how you got from there to here. I always put the whole God story in the same category as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and I was lucky enough to grow up in New York, so I knew from the beginning that there were lots of belief systems and lots of degrees of belief and compliance. I've always been impressed by people who had what must have been the comfort and ease of automatic belief and who gave it up for the much more demanding and unsavory challenges of reality. I'd love to hear your stories, particularly those of people from communities where no other options were around, were available, were even acknowledged.

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Permalink Reply by Timo Ostrander on November 18, 2009 at 10:33am

I got really good at figuring out solutions to problems that the church was facing, but they weren't that good at accepting them. Deemed a threat to the church’s moral fiber, I was asked to leave.

Well, their loss, Des!

Then I really thought about it and decided that, even if he is real, I don't want anything to do with him.

Good point. One we all do well to accept.

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Permalink Reply by MissElainie on November 18, 2009 at 12:09pm

Then I really thought about it and decided that, even if he is real, I don't want anything to do with him.

Good point. One we all do well to accept.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't disagree more. I'm an ATHEIST, not a child who's mad at the big bad authority figure and wants to made damn sure it knows I'm mad. I'd don't believe in supernatural crap, therefore I don't get mad at it and I don't snub it. I don't have to - it doesn't exist.

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Permalink Reply by Des on November 18, 2009 at 5:46pm

I think you're misinterpreting - I don't care one way or the other if anyone knows I'm an Atheist. I simply don't believe. I was angry, yes - but no more. My anger is not the reason I am an Atheist, just the catalyst that solidified my non-belief.

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Permalink Reply by Timo Ostrander on November 19, 2009 at 12:37am

I'm not referring to our personal life experiences being a motivation for rebellion against an imaginary being (though I can see how you would think that). i'm referring to how the god of the three abrahamic religions is portrayed by their own sacred texts.

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Permalink Reply by Des on November 18, 2009 at 6:24pm

Thanks for the kind words, Timo.

I remember the priests getting upset when I would suggest that instead of protesting a woman's right to choose, why doesn't the church set up adoption facilities? Another was the tithe system. If the local churches collect all this money for their bills, why not divide the remaining funds among the parishioners? You know, not laying treasure up in this world, and all the rest of it.

I suppose it's not very catholic to be proactive...

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Permalink Reply by Timo Ostrander on November 18, 2009 at 10:27am

I was a believer for a brief, but increasingly intense period of (I'm guessing) 2-3 years when I was around 10-14. I don't remember my exact age, but I remember feeling convicted that I was not living as "God wants me to live." I was raised in a very fundamentalist, Pentecostal church (the UPC) and had a very conservative, though not unintelligent pastor. I started becoming serious about God and church. I happily went four times a week; Sunday morning for advanced Sunday School, Sunday night for the preachy sermons, Wednesday for Bible Study and Friday nights for Question and Answer Session. I became something of the pastor's pet. I would ask questions after his sermon or bible study. I would dominate the question and answer session. I was captain of the bible quiz team in my church and won 1st place Quizzer in my state district. I was on the track to becoming a minister.

Somewhere around 14 or so I asked myself, "If I'm really going to commit myself to God, then I really need to know Him. I decided that I didn't. All I had was a bunch of words in a book. Despite my belief, and my desire to believe, I knew that I had never had a real experience with a supernatural being that I could honestly consider revelatory. Yet that was what my pastor insisted you needed before you could even begin to get saved. I realized he was right. Without that, I couldn't commit my life to something in my head. It wouldn't be honest or productive.

I'm not sure how much my religious upbringing influenced my thinking in this matter, but I'm inclined to think that it had a lot to do with it. I was taught like most religious folk that you should be honest, true to yourself and that's what I always tried to do. It didn't work out so well for the religion meme in this case, though.

I gradually disassociated myself with the religion. I became less "praisy" and more solemn during church services. Once known for lifting my hands in praise, I became known for reading through scripture or just listening contemplatively during services. I shared my concerns with my pastor but nothing he could offer satisfied the need to KNOW that God was there and that he was communing and communicating with me. That, of course, was never going to happen short of deluding myself.

Eventually I let go. I still wanted to believe but couldn't bring myself to sacrifice my intellect on the altar of faith. It took a long time nonchalantly meandering the path of agnosticism to reach the point where I could get over the fear instilled in me as a child. After lots of thought and conversations with people about it, I realized it was nonsense to stand on the fence any longer. I have just this past year decided to take a stand for what really makes sense.

How people can go through life believing in something that really doesn't add much of anything to their lives is beyond me. I guess it's all they have or know. That combined with the fear, the guilt, the disassociation with loved ones and all that comes with it.

Well, that's my story in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed! :)

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Permalink Reply by Tommy on November 29, 2009 at 6:08pm

Growing up I could never get simple questions to the problems I had with religion. Where did god come from? If he made us, who made him? If Adam and Eve were the only people on Earth at the beginning, How could the world be populated when they had two sons who would have no wives? Anyhow, you get the train of thought which led to me being an Atheist. I just can't believe some of you folks though. What do you mean you don't believe in Santa. Your going to get coal in your stockings!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Heather on June 16, 2010 at 4:14am

I was raised in the Texas panhandle, which is VERY conservative and VERY religious (largely evangelical Christians). This is my favorite story that illustrates the ridiculousness of uber-Christians in the area where I grew up: http://lubbockonline.com/stories/073104/loc_-1279534627.shtml. My parents never went to church, but they consider themselves Christian. I went to church from about 10-13 or 14. I was quite overzealous, I think. One thing that strikes me as a defining moment that didn't at the time was when my youth minister told another girl in the youth group that wearing an Elton John t-shirt and going to his concerts was the same as "supporting his lifestyle." I don't need to explain how idiotic that statement is in so many ways. I realized that someone I looked to for religious guidance was misguided on at least one area. I considered myself agnostic by the time I was 15. I was actually an atheist by 16, but around 19 I started the process of becoming comfortable with calling myself an atheist. I credit finding an atheist boyfriend and a group of accepting friends (some religious, some not) with helping me shed that last bit of ridiculous guilt and fear I was holding on to. My entire social circle outside my family knows that I am an atheist, though with my family I tend to refer to myself as a secular humanist. I suspect that they have a lot of misconceptions about what an atheist is, and I just don't think it's worth discussing. My parents know that I'm both non-religious and a good person, and that's good enough for me.

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Permalink Reply by Clare Fassio on June 19, 2010 at 11:43pm

I was born and raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through 12th grade. I went to church every Sunday. I loved it and was an avid participant. I was even the first female altar server at my church (and the best one at that!). I went to one of the leading Catholic schools in the nation and had a very extensive religion class. I know more about Catholicism than most Catholics. I went to World Youth Day back in 2000, and I also participated in a broadcasted discussion on how abortion is murder. If you go on my myspace page, there are still blogs that I posted years ago about how homosexuality is sin.

It's funny to look back on it now and see how deluded I was. For me, Catholicism was all I had. I had nothing to compare it to. Sure, there were other religions I was aware of. But Catholicism was rright and all the others were wrong. I was surrounded by a Catholic bubble.

The turning point for me was in college, and my disbelief was brought up from a variety of factors. I am very passionate about science--I always have been. Continuing my studies at the college level made me realize that belief in many aspects of religion is incompatible with science and the scientific method. Another factor was getting away from the Catholic bubble. I was surround by people with many kinds o beliefs and disbelief. Getting away from that bubble allowed me to step outside my faith and look at it from the outside. A third factor was me finding philosophy.

The absolute turning point for me happened when I read a book about Einstein. His eloquent quotes about science and the non-existence of god sealed the deal:

"It seems to me that the idea of a personal God is an anthropological concept which I cannot take seriously. I also cannot imagine some will or goal outside the human sphere.... Science has been charged with undermining morality, but the charge is unjust. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."

"I cannot conceive of a personal God who would directly influence the actions of individuals, or would directly sit in judgment on creatures of his own creation. I cannot do this in spite of the fact that mechanistic causality has, to a certain extent, been placed in doubt by modern science. My religiosity consists in a humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance -- but for us, not for God."

"I believe in Spinoza's God who reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with the fates and actions of human beings."

It was the easiest transition for me. How could you not be atheist with quotes like these?! LOL. I'm not the kind of person who will cling to beliefs even if I know they are false. So one day I believe in God (but had some issues with it), the next I didn't believe at all. And that was that. However, I had to ease my mom into my newfound disbelief. At this point, I was still going to church regularly with her. I first stopped singing the songs in church. Then I added not saying the prayers. Then I added not going to Communion (that was the hardest one for her to deal with). Then I stopped going all together, and she stopped making me go with her. So it wasn't too bad :)

My high school reunion is going to be awesome (I hope you noted the sarcasm). I am one of 4 atheists in my graduating class! But I graduated with a little over 80 kids, so that percentage is not too shabby! LOL

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Permalink Reply by MissElainie on June 20, 2010 at 10:58am

Thanks, Clare. That was kind of an amazing transition you made - one day you believe that the entire world, the whole universe, was one thing, and the next day it was something totally different. If you don't mind my asking, though, can you tell me if, once you were no longer constrained to maintain certain Catholic positions, did you change your mind about abortion and homosexuality also? I mean, was your original opinion that both were a sin actually YOUR opinion or was that just the position you took because you had to?

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Permalink Reply by Clare Fassio on June 21, 2010 at 11:52am

Yes, I definitely changed my mind about both. Catholicism isn't as bad as some other Christian religions with homosexuality, because homosexuality isn't a sin--it's acting upon it that is. It's not much better, but at least they are supposed to accept homosexuals. I thought these things were sins because it made sense why they were sins in the realms of Catholicism. Since I'm not a believer anymore, I understand these things are not sins/morally wrong--homosexuality has nothing to do with morality at all. So yes, I believed these things were sins because all I knew about them was in the realm of religion.